Letters to Emma
by EmmaHope070115
Summary: Bella Swan lives a tragic life until she meets Edward Cullen online in a chat room, she is running scared. Finally, Edward wins Bella's heart and they live a long life happily together till tragedy strikes in the cruelest forms. Follow as Bella writes these are the letter to her daughter Emma that Emma will never get the chance to read. TRIGGER WARNING:ABUSE,MENTAL ILLNESS
1. Chapter 1

_**Letters to Emma**_

16th July 2016

 _Dearest Emma,_

 _Though you are not with us does not mean we forget about you, these letters contain everything I would have said to you. I don't know how often I will write, but I want to get everything down so you know that both your father and I loved you and still will always love you no matter where you are and though we can't tell you this in person, as you get older we will always be with you in spirit._

 _Know that we both love you. You were our miracle. I plan to tell you everything about our lives, the lives of your family and what each person means to us, and would have meant to you. Everyone was so excited about having you in our lives, but for some reason that was not to be. We all know that you watch over us and we feel your love for us, especially your father and me. So, before I continue to cry some more over not having you here with me right now, let me tell you about your father and myself. Let me tell you about me._

My name is Isabella Marie Cullen formally known as Isabella Marie Swan. I am 33 years old and married to your wonderful father Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. My parents are Renee and Charlie Swan, they were high school sweethearts in a small town of Forks. They married right after graduating high school and a year later had me, the cherry in their eyes. Being young they really didn't know or understand what it would be like to be married and have a baby at such a young age. Sadly they divorced by the time I was 3 years old, with me their only child. My mother Renee moved from place to place for several years until she meet the love of her life, or so she thought. Phil Dywer, a minor-league baseball player. He was younger than her and made her feel young and special. They married quickly and moved to sunny Jacksonville, where I finally had a stable home environment to grow up in.

The trouble with Phil he was not a nice man and was very abusive to me and Renee, in many ways. Renee was blind in the beginning to his ways and always had an excuse for his behaviours, saying that he was a good step -father for taking me in.

Over the years, the contact with Charlie became less and less, and I started to believe the things Phil was saying and doing to me. I believed I deserved them. As I grew up into a young woman the abuse became worse, to the point where I really did not know who I was and felt I deserved no better. At school, I was a straight A student. Never in trouble, but I had no friends. No one to share my concerns with, or even know what a normal teenage life was like.

For my 17th birthday Renee and Phil sat me down and told me they were going on the road, as Phil had been drafted for a major-league baseball team. So, I suggest I move in with my dad Charlie. Three weeks later I was on a plane to dreary Forks, the one place I had only ever heard negative things about from my mother. Since I didn't remember any of it I could only take her word for it.

A week before I was to start my senior year at Forks High School, Charlie picked me up from Sea Tac Airport with all my belongings in three bags most of which were filled with books. See I have an obsessive passion for the classics, I have read them all and love the tales they tell. My favourite being Wuthering Heights, I can't tell you how many times I have read that book.

Charlie, as I called him, since I didn't really know him, wanted me to feel at home. He felt I would be embarrassed to be chauffeured around in a Police Cruiser, was the Police Chief of that small town of Forks, so he purchased for me an old Chevy felt Truck. I just loved that truck until it died of old age.

During the time that I lived with Charlie, until I graduated, we became close and I could not have asked for a better dad. He kept to himself most of the time, but could see I was broken but with unconditional love and understanding he finally got out of me why I was broken. I of course blamed all the abuse on myself, saying I deserved it, that I asked for it. But Charlie stood his ground gently with me, listened to everything I had to say, encouraging me to talk and cry it all out. Charlie was beyond pissed at Renee for ever allowing it to happen to me, their daughter, and promised me that I would never have to have anything to do with either of them again.

During the year, I lived with Charlie, I felt I needed to earn extra money. I found the best part- time job I could in a little bookstore in town. I just loved it! I could spend my free time reading all the books I could get my hands-on. Delving into some of the best written classics and current novels I was in heaven. I knew what I wanted to do when I graduated. I wanted to be a writer.

I got a full scholarship to a college in Seattle, but Charlie was shot in the line of duty just before I was about to head off and become an adult, a woman. There was no way now I was going to move so far away from him when I had almost lost him. I just couldn't! So instead I enrolled in basic courses at Port Angeles Community College, whilst still working at the bookstore. I spent my summer that year taking care of Charlie and making every second I had with him count. I was not going to miss a thing.

Your grandfather Charlie was like a bear with a sore head as he recovered from his injuries, always telling me I should go off to College and live my life, but like him I am stubborn to a fault! I would not move out.

So, I spent the next few years working and attending community college, studying everything I could get my hands on about creative writing and how I could become an author. My teachers said I had an aptitude for writing and my talents were being wasted at a small College, but I just wouldn't move away from Charlie. He needed me and I needed him, the only parent to every show me real parental love.

As time went on Charlie encouraged me to seek out a therapist to help me deal with what I had been through with Renee and Phil. Again, I was stubborn saying I didn't need help, I was doing fine on my own. But Charlie was right. I did not have a social life nor had I ever had a healthy relationship with a man, I needed help and finally after two years of putting it off I saw my first therapist. She was amazing, letting me talk about anything and everything I was comfortable talking about, till finally I started to talk about Renee and what had happened. It took many years with her to get me to the point where although still so shy and awkward I started to make friends and have a social life outside of Charlie. But I never really got close to any of them, because I couldn't trust anyone - not after what I had been through. I was not going down that road again.

I had a few boyfriends as time when on, but nothing serious, no man was ever going to hurt me the way Phil had done. But deep within me I always wanted a husband that would love me and my children. God, I loved children and had always wanted to be a mother, but I could never trust a man with my heart, I could never return to being broken again like I had been. I had worked too hard to become a normal healthy woman, admittedly I still had a few mental health problems such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Bipolar, but I was healthy and a strong woman who just couldn't live on her own.

Then one day I finally moved out of Charlie's and moved to a small apartment in Port Angels. A friend I had made in Collage showed me online chat rooms where you could talk with people from all around the world without anyone knowing who you really were. I was hooked! So, I bought a cheap laptop, got the internet hooked up and I was set.

Between working full- time, studying part-time, finishing up at College I was online every second I could get. Being able to talk in different chat rooms from locals to people around the world, my confidence grew. I could hold conversations with people I did not know and they did not know the real me. I became sarcastic and funny, saying things that shocked people. It was not the real me but who I wanted to be and I loved it.

As time went on I started to talk with a few people personally. I never told them my personal history but gave them enough to get to know me and finally I agreed to meet a few offline and in person. The first few meetings were good for me. It got me to make a few real friends. Though there were some bad meetings, and I ended up with a few stalkers both online and in person, which was scary.

As time went on I met this man in a chatroom that I met in regularly. He was kind and funny; we got along really well. His tag name was Green-Eyes. I would later discover he had the most amazing emerald green eyes that I just fell in love with from the moment I met him.

After several months of chatting online we decided to meet on his 21st birthday at a club. Since I didn't feel comfortable meeting him in such a large group of people I didn't know, I took a friend with me that knew some of the others attending the get-together.

I was nervous to meet him. I had to travel to Seattle for the weekend and meet at the club we had all agreed to meet at. When I met Green Eyes, I realised that this was the man I had been dreaming about for years, just seeing his piercing eyes in my dreams. I realised, as time went on, that the reason I dreamt about him was so that when I would get to meet Green- eyes I would know that he was to become the love of my life. The one true person I could be myself with. The real me. And know that he would always stand by my side. I learnt that Green- Eyes' name was Edward Cullen and I was running scared, scare of what this man could mean to me. To my future, would I lose myself again, could I trust this mane with my heart, mind, body and soul

 _Dear Emma_

 _I will leave you with this for now and my next letter I will talk about your father's life_

 _Love always and forever Mum_

 _Isabella Cullen_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Emma Hope**_

2 _1_ _st_ _July 2016_

 _Dearest Emma,_

 _Today I plan to talk about your father and how it came to be that we met. I know you must be wondering about your grandparents, do you have any uncles or aunts? So here is your father's story._

Your father's name is Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. I know, a long name! But your grandparents Esme and Carlisle Cullen could not settle on one simple middle name for your father, so they decided on two!

Esme and Carlisle Cullen are both only children like myself and met in their first year of college in Seattle. Esme Platt was studying interior design, while your grandfather Carlisle Cullen was studying medicine. They fell madly in love with each other and were married six months after meeting. They found married life hard to manage to begin with. Keeping up the demands of college and family life was hard, but they loved each other very much. Anyone that met them could see they were meant to last the distance, no matter what life through at them.

Your father was born the first year of Carlisle's medical residency, making life very hard for the couple as they struggled with study, marriage and Carlisle's long and unpredictable hours away from the family home and a new baby. But you were the apple of your parents' eyes.

I have been told, by your very proud grandmother, that your father had an uncanny aptitude for music, especially the piano. Your father would hear a tune and can replicate it first time, something he had been able to do from a very young age. Your grandparents encouraged your father to learn to play the piano, especially the classics.

By the age of nine your father started to compose his own music and was a regular at all the local recitals. Esme and Carlisle could not have been prouder of their son. Your grandparents struggled, like any other couple, as Carlisle finished his residency and started working the ER at the local hospital in Seattle.

By the time your father was 6 years old he had a baby brother, named Emmett. Your father adored Emmett from the moment he was born, and always wanting to help Esme take care of Emmett. Your grandmother has told me, many times, how your father would play his music to settle a young Emmett when he was fussy or sick.

As the boys got older their parents encouraged them to be the best they could be, and from what your grandmother has told me, he and Emmett were best friends. They did everything together and Emmett would ask your father play the piano for him and he would sit for hours playing just to make Emmett happy.

Esme has told me that though your father did well at School he only had a select few friends that went through School with him right through to graduation in high school. Of those Jasper, being his closet and most trusted friend. Always there by each other's side to support and be each other's wingman. Whilst Jasper got his license at a young age, your father decided there were enough idiots on the road and he didn't want to add to it. This was a mature way to look at it, since your grandfather still worked in the ER and your father had heard all the horror stories of young lives tragically altered or lost due to reckless driving

Like any teenage boy your father tried to rebel, he went out partying, drinking and smoking but he always seemed to be the mature one of the group, making sure everyone got home safe. When he graduated High School, he was awarded a full Scholarship to study music and art sat a college right here in Seattle or New York, but your father decided to stay close to his family and friends by staying in Seattle, Esme and Carlisle supported your father's decision, telling me later that he was a mature for his age and quite capable of making those choices for himself, and I know your father never regretted this decision because it brought him to you and me.

Your father moved into the dorms at college so that he could experience the full college experience, the studying, parties and girls. As luck, would have it, Jasper was your father's roommate all through college. Your father never really had any serious relationships throughout college and I met him when he had just graduated. Your father also worked on getting his driving license and for a graduating gift Esme and Carlisle bought your father a brand-new Volvo, which became his pride and joy, his baby.

Your father and I have talked many times about why he decided to use a chatroom to meet people while he was in college when there were people with the same interests and understanding him around him all the time. His response was "I was waiting for you". How could I not just love this man?

But your father did use the chatroom, and as he said to me, he was shy and awkward around people his own age, mainly girls. He didn't really know how to talk to them, let alone date. The dates he had been on failed terribly. He just could never find that connection he saw every day in his parents, since that is what he wanted most in his life. To have a wife who supported him through everything and stood by his side, a woman that he could have a profound connection with, that they could finish each other's sentence or know what the other was thinking. Your father was not going to settle for anything less than what he had seen his parent had.

So, your father created the tag name of Green-Eyes because his eyes were emerald green, lame. He says that it was all he could think of. Your father said he spent many days lurking in the different chat rooms, observing the interaction between individuals, while he began to understand the dynamics of the chatrooms. After a few weeks, he started to join in the conversations in the rooms he was in and though he found it boring at times, there was one woman that intrigued him.

Clicking on her profile he described her as the most stunning woman he had ever seen, with the richest mahogany brown long hair and the deepest brown eyes he had ever seen. But what got him to notice her was though she was laughing in the photo, she had a deep sadness in her depths of her eye and he wanted nothing more than to take away this beauty's sadness.

Slowly, he started replying with funny comments to this brown-eyed girl, as he called her, to the things she would say hoping to gain her attention. Over time, it appeared to him, that she noticed him and they started to privately chat about nothing really, just games you play in the chat rooms, till one day he enquired what her real name was and with some hesitation she said it was Isabella Swan. He told her it was a perfect name for such a stunning woman. She did not take the compliment very well and he started to panic that he had scared her off. But she reassured him all was ok and not to panic.

Over the coming months, they talked privately so they could learn as much as they could about each other, their past and future dreams. He learnt that she wanted to be a writer and he wanted to read something she had written, but she would not share.

Finally, on his 21st birthday your father asked me to meet him at a club in Seattle where a group of people from the chatroom that we both regularly talked with were getting together, so that we could meet in person. Your father was nervous about us meeting and scared that I would not show up as the night went on, but he also knew that if I did show up he wanted to be with me.

 _Dearest Emma,_

 _I will leave you with this and in my next letter I will talk about our first meeting._

 _Love always and forever mum_

 _Isabella Cullen_

 _ **A/N, I am going to try to update at least once a week, thank you for joining me on this journey, I really appreciate all the support I have been given so far, please review and let me know what you think of the story. As this is my very first fanfiction I have ever written.**_

 _ **A very big thank you to Cherry and Carole, your support has been amazing**_

 _ **There is also a FB group dedicated to the story just look for the name of the story and join**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Emma Hope**_

 _25_ _th_ _July 2016_

 _Dearest Emma,_

 _I must say writing these letters to you is helping me remember not just the bad in my life, but also the good and the life changing events. One especially is the night I met your father and the days that followed, till we went on our first date; what that meant to me and the feelings I experienced. I could not have asked the gods for a better man to come into to my life when I least expected it. I was not looking for love at the time, but gee it was love at first sight and it scared me to death. I will tell you about the night we met and the days following, so that I hope you can get an understanding of what I was feeling and going through during that time._

I had been sitting with my friend at the bar, nearest to the front door, hoping that one of us would recognize someone entering the club we knew. It was starting to get on in the night and I knew that if I didn't leave in the next couple of hours I would be too tired to drive back to Port Angeles. Finally, around 9.30pm a couple, that my friend recognized, walked in and we watched to see which table they went to. After a few minutes, I got up the courage to follow them to the table and introduced myself to the group, I used my chat name first, then my real name.

Your father sprung from his chair, introducing himself by his chatroom tag name and can I tell you that I was just mesmerized, your father was a Greek Adonis with the sexiest copper hair and the most piercing emerald green eyes I had ever seen. I was so lost in his eyes, I could have stared at them forever and never get bored. Your father then introduced himself as Edward Cullen and proceeded to introduce everyone else before offering me a seat next to him. I was so nervous being around him, this plain girl, me, had drawn the attention of such an amazing handsome young man.

Your father seemed to understand my nerves and coached me out of my shyness by focusing on just us. it was as if we were in our own world, just talking and joking around, we just talked about everything from the weather to college and where we wanted our futures to go. All the time your father kept touching me gently, as if to make sure I was real and not running away. While I had so many emotions running through me that I did not know how to sort them out and at the time I really didn't want to. But I will say this, it was the first time ever I had wanted desperately to take your father home with me and spend the rest of the weekend intimately exploring each other's bodies.

It was starting to get late and I told your father that I would have to leave soon as I was going to drive home, at this point my friend said I could spend the night at her place and to loosen up and have fun. She admitted that I should see where things were going with your father, even though I was running scared for my life. So, I told myself, let loose, have some fun and I invited your father to dance.

We walked, hands entwined, to the dance floor and I could feel this strong electric current running from my fingers right up my hand and arm. I really did not know what to make of it. This night had been so confusing to me, I was sure it was going to take me months to understand everything that was happening. The dance floor was very crowded with the latest dance hits playing, your father found a small spot in the middle and led me there.

Wrapping his hands around my waist, and pulling my back to his chest, we started to move. It was the most erotic dance I have ever experienced. We moved to the beat of the music, but we always seemed to be in our own world where no one could touch us. I could feel your father's hot, sweet breath on the side of my neck and it was turning me on so much, I just didn't know what to do. I had never experienced being turned on so much by having a very hot man breathing on my neck or dancing so close. There was no room between us.

Then I felt your father's arousal, and knew I was having the same effect on him as he was on me. He started to sing the lyrics of the songs and my god I almost had an orgasm at his sexy, sultry velvet voice. I was lost, gone, with no return. I wanted this man, no matter the consequences, and for the first time in my life I was scared but so willing to take the chance and the possibility of having my heart broken.

At this point, your father, who appeared to be struggling to control his need to dry hump me on the dance floor, suggested we get a seat, have a break and a drink. We both ordered water, since we were driving. While your father sat on the bar stool, I stood between his legs just chatting about anything but the big white elephant in the room, the subject neither of us was willing to talk about. But the chemistry was still there we just seemed to not be able to stop touching each other, it was like a carnal, primitive need to have constant physical contact between us.

By now it was 2am and the club would be closing soon, so we went and rejoined our groups' table, where everyone was getting ready to head home for the night. Your father walked my friend and me to my car. He was amazed that the old Chevy could have made the trip to Seattle, let alone home tomorrow. But I assured him my baby was fine, she was old but reliable.

My hormones were running so high, all I wanted was to spend the night with this glorious man. But I didn't know that your father, after graduating, had moved back to his family home for the time being until he found a good job and a condo of his own.

So, I drove back to my friend's place to spend the night dreaming about your father and trying to work through what it meant that he had come into my life. I had been hurt by so many people before, that I was scared for my life of what this would mean to me, I knew deep down that this Adonis, this Greek God with coppery hair and a sexy smirk, would be my undoing if I opened myself up to a relationship with him. At the time, I did not know what he wanted from me. It was clear that he was attracted to me, but he did not say or show anything else and he did not ask me to spend the night with him.

So, the next morning, I left my friend's early after a serious talk about what I should do and her advice was to go for it! Here was this hotter than hot guy showing me attention and it seemed to be he clearly wanted me. I should see where things were going to. Throw caution to the wind and just go for it. But I was still scared and unsure of what to do, so I ran.

I got home around 2pm the next day, had a shower and some lunch, and relaxed on the couch with my laptop. I logged into the chatroom to see if Green-Eyes was there. He was not. So, I hung around the room for a while, while trying to work out my feelings for this man. During my inner-monologue I realized that Green-Eyes, your father, was the man I had always been dreaming about and this was my reason for running scared. I knew what this would mean. This was the man that was going to change my life for the better, he was the one person, in this world of pain and suffering, that would help take it all away. He would be the one that would break through all the walls I surrounded myself with to protect myself. The one person in this world who could make or break me.

So again, I did what I did best and ran. I created a new profile for the chatroom and spent the next few days stalking your father. He appeared reserved whenever I tried to chat him up, trying to see if he was like every other male that just wanted a one night stand. But no, your father did not fall for any trick I tried on him. Later, I found out from him he knew it was me all along and was not going to fall for my games. But I just didn't know what to do, I wanted him so much, but I was just too scared to say that to him. Afraid of what that would mean to me. I had worked so hard over the years to be this strong, independent woman and I could not let a man take that away from me, as so many men in the past had, it was not happening again.

By Wednesday of the next week I realized that your father was not going to play my games and logged back in under my Brown-Eyes profile and immediately your father messaged me, telling me how much he missed me and wanted to see me again. So, I suggested we have a friendly bet, a game of go-karting and the one with the slowest lap must buy the other breakfast or dinner, since we could not settle the argument of who was the better driver. Your father was convinced he was!

So, plans were made for your father to drive down to Port Angeles for the weekend while I booked the go-kart track for our race. I had walked to work that day since your father was picking me up and we would drive to the track after I finished work. During the drive to the track your father tried to show me his expertise driving skills, so to avoid bruising his fragile ego I let him go, knowing on the track I would have the speed and the skill.

We completed ten laps of the circuit and the results came in. I had the fastest lap, your father graciously congratulated me and then escorted me out to his car. The winds had picked up so your father wrapped his arms around me to keep me warm and for the first time, apart from your grandfather Charlie, I felt safe and protected from the world and I knew I was making the right decision whatever that might be. I just wanted to be wherever this amazing man was.

Your father drove us to the only open restaurant in town, a little Mexican place I had never been to. We ordered and your father told me that no matter who won the bet he planned to take me to dinner anyway, I argued the point that a bet was a bet, but he said no, I deserved a little spoiling. This man knew nothing about my life before him and in the few hours we had spent together, on two occasions, he had already decided I deserved to be spoiled. I could start to feel myself fall for him already and it terrified me.

After dinner, we headed back to my place as it was too late for your father to drive back to Seattle. I had insisted, saying the roads were not safe so late at night. Being the gentleman your father is, he begrudgingly agreed and instead he offered to take the pullout couch, since I lived in a one bedroom apartment.

I only had limited blankets, usually just enough to keep me warm, but I did not want your father to suffer from the cold whilst on the couch, so I shared some of my blankets with him and went to bed, where I tossed and turned all night, unable to sleep, thinking I had this fantastic amazing man asleep in my apartment and I feared a broken heart.

At 5am I got up to use the bathroom and when I returned your father was awake saying he was a light sleeper and heard me get up, I apologized for waking him said good night and went back to bed. After a few minutes of frustration from being unable to sleep and feeling cold, I dragged the blankets out to the Livingroom and climbed into bed with your father. He grabbed me, and wrapped himself around me, again I felt completely safe in his arms like nothing in the world could hurt me and that he would always protect me from harm. We fell right back to sleep.

When we woke again it was warm and the sun was shining, I lay there for a few minutes building up the courage to ask your father would he go out with me. After almost an hour of over-thinking and over analysing what your father's response might be and how I would handle the rejection that I knew was coming should he say no, I finally built-up enough courage to ask him to go out with me, to be my boyfriend. I could not face him when I asked. Instead of rejection, your father gently turned me around so that I was facing him, I kept my eyes turned down, I did not want him to see the tears welling in my eyes at his lack of response.

He gently tilted my head so that we were looking each other in the eyes and wrapped his hands around my cheeks bringing his face close to mine and placed his sweet lips to mine and said he would love nothing more than to date me and be my boyfriend.

 _So, Emma this is how our love story begins, with a scared little girl afraid of having her heart shattered bits and a wonderful gentle man coming into her life, showing her what his world could offer her with just one kiss_

 _Till next time my beloved daughter_

 _Love always Mum_

 _Bella Cullen_

 **A/N Thank you to Sherry and Carole for your continued support and thank you to all my readers you mean the world to me**


	4. Chapter 4

**Emma Hope**

 _31_ _st_ _July 2016_

 _Dearest Emma,_

 _So now you know how your father and I got together, let me fill you in on the weeks that followed until we became engage. I should tell you this that I asked your father to marry me, not the most romantic way, but it worked for us I guess, since we are still together. I wish that I could tell you these stories in person when the time was right, but it was just not meant to be._

After we agreed to be together we spent the rest of the day just cuddling and kissing, nothing more. Around 2pm your father said he had to go home as he had to prepare for job interview the next day. Sadly, we parted and I watched him drive away.

I spent the next few hours in a daze- that this amazing young man, who could any woman he wanted, yet he chose to be with plain, old boring me. Though I was not going to dwell on that, I was too elated over the fact I had a boyfriend. Then I realized I would have to tell Charlie and Renee.

Though my relationship with Renee was strained, at best, I still tried to be her daughter, even though she was no longer with Phil. I still could not put aside what she had done to me and what she had allowed to happen to me. Charlie could not understand why I continued to have a relationship with Renee, so we had an unspoken rule not to talk about her at all.

So, I called Renee quickly and told her I had met a guy from an online chat-room, that he was amazing and we were together, and that I was already serious about him. She did not say much, she wanted to talk about how bad her life was and how I had ruined it with my lies about Phil. I still, to this day, do not understand why I put myself through that except to say, that I wanted my mother in my life no matter how bad she was.

Next, I called Charlie and told him all about Edward and what he was beginning to mean to me. About how we met and our weekend and that we were now together. Charlie, being a man of the law, wanted to run a background check on this 'young hooligan', as he put it- as far as Charlie was concerned there was no man good enough for me plus he did not want to see me hurt. Finally, I got Charlie to calm enough to listen to what I was saying about Edward and that he was important to me. Charlie's advice was not to rush into the relationship and that he wanted to meet Edward the following weekend.

After speaking with both my parents I tidied up the apartment and straightened the bed and couch. Then I logged into the chatroom to wait for Green-Eyes. I did not have to wait long. I am sure Edward broke every speeding law to get home quickly so that we could talk again. First, he told me he missed me and could not wait to see me again. I told Green-Eyes that I had informed both my parents about him and that Charlie wanted to meet him next weekend. Surprisingly Green-Eyes agreed to this, but said he had to go offline for the night and get ready for his job interview at a local piano bar that was looking to hire a new pianist, but before he went he wanted to exchange mobile numbers, which we did.

During the week neither of us had much time to be online, but Edward and I texted and called each other every day or night, texting throughout the day little things about how our day was going. Edward would always find a way to pay me a new compliment; about how beautiful I was, how sexy I was, or how he wanted to spend all his free time with me. Edward did tell me that his parents knew about us. That his mother knew something had happened the moment he got home on Sunday, as his face was lit up and had he had a cheesy smirk on his face. So, Esme just said right out to him he had met someone and Edward happily told her about me. Edward said that she was excited and wanted to meet me as soon as possible and to not be surprised if she suddenly dropped into the bookstore, if he waited too long before introductions were made. I laughed at this, why would someone travel so far just to meet her son's new girlfriend, but I didn't question Edward on this.

The following weekend Edward drove down to my apartment to spend the weekend with me and I knew I had to tell him all about my past. I didn't want to start a relationship with him with secrets. So, after dinner, I explained to him my family dynamics, who was who, and then proceeded to explain to him about Renee, the abuse I was subjected to at the hands of Phil, how my mother never stopped it, and said I was a liar, even though Phil had been abusive to her also. I explained what happened on my 17th birthday, how I came to live with Charlie and what life had been like since moving to Forks. That Charlie means the world to me and without his unconditional support and love I was unsure of where I would be today.

As usual I expected your father, Edward, to run for the hills thinking I was too much work. I explained to him, as best as I could, my own understanding of what my mental illnesses meant to me and anyone else in my life. That it wasn't an easy life to live or deal with and that I totally understood if he didn't want to be with me anymore. I explained to him that even though we had the most amazing chemistry, I wanted our relationship to go slowly and not just be based on sex. I needed more than that.

Edward surprised me yet again, he slowly approached as if scared to startle me and placed his hands upon my checks coming closer to my face and gently kissing me. He then proceeded to tell me that I was a survivor, that I had this amazing talent to become a strong, independent woman after everything I had been through and could still allow a man to be close to me. He said he was even more proud to be my boyfriend, and that there was nothing I could say or do now, or in the future, that would scare him away from me, and that I was stuck with him if I would have him. I was in shock. I didn't know what to say, so I just sat there for I don't know how long, then I felt an arm come around my shoulder and hold me tight. I felt safe and the tears started to flow, I was slowly letting go of the emotions I had felt all week about telling Edward my secret.

After some time and a brief nap, Edward reminded me we had dinner with Charlie, I had forgotten that. So, I drove to Charlie's house and surprise, surprise, Charlie opened his door with his shotgun in his hand, appearing to have been cleaning it. I should say now, that I did give Edward a head up on what to expect when meeting Charlie for the first time, that Charlie would probably have all his guns out and for appearances sake appearing to be cleaning them, but I knew better. Charlie was trying to scare Edward and though Edward paled when he saw the guns, he held strong, introducing himself and telling Charlie what a wonderful daughter he had. Charlie did not fall for this. Over the evening, while I cooked, Charlie and Edward talked. Well, Charlie for a man of few words had a lot to say to Edward, making it clear that if Edward ever hurt me he knew how to get rid of him and no one would know where to look; Charlie was a lawman after all and knew how to hide a body. Not that Charlie has ever broken the laws he upholds, but he made it clear to Edward that hurting me would be his end.

Edward explained to Charlie that I had told him about Renee and Phil, the surprised look on Charlie's face was priceless, but I quickly explained to Charlie that I wanted no secrets with Edward from the start, that I want to be open and honest from the beginning. Therefore, allowing Edward the opportunity to leave before he became too committed to me. Edward quickly reassured Charlie that he was going nowhere and that he would always be by my side, no matter what happened down the road. That he was in this relationship for the long haul and though he did not understand my mental health illness issues he was willing to learn how to be the best support person for me, Edward then asked Charlie for advice on how to support me best. This took Charlie by surprise and I could see Charlie start to soften towards Edward as they spent the rest of the night talking. By the end of the night, I had a sense of peace around me, I had never felt before, Charlie approved of my boyfriend.

The next weekend I drove to Seattle to meet Edward's family. To say I was nervous was the understatement of the century. I just couldn't calm myself during the drive, thinking what if they don't like me, what if they think I am after Edward's money. But this all proved to be fruitless because when I arrived at the Cullen's' home I was first greeted by Edward and then by his mother Esme, who was the most loving, compassionate woman I had ever met. Edward's father, Dr Cullen was still at the hospital and I would meet him later. Last to meet was Emmett. He was huge, but gave the best bear hugs you could ask for.

That this family was just so loving and understanding was so alien to me, but after spending time with them I knew I had fallen in love with them all. Edward could see I was starting to feel a little overwhelmed by all the affection and attention so he took me to his room, where we spent the evening getting to know each other better, both physically and personally. Though I did not want to rush the relationship I could not fight the undeniable need we both had to be intimate with each other, kissing was just not enough. So finally, as things were crossing beyond the barrier of our relationship I told Edward I was ready to take the next step. It was earth shattering, just amazing. I spent the weekend with Edward and his family and as I was driving away Edward rushed to my open window and said three little words that changed my life forever. "I love you". I was stunned as I drove away, I had no response.

I knew I had strong feelings for Edward, feelings I had never experienced before. But was it love? I was too scared to face the truth, that after only a few short weeks I was in love with this man? I could not admit to the truth to myself until I got home that night. I then admitted to myself that yes, I was in love with Edward and that I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with him.

We had spoken through the week, on the phone, learning more about each other's interests and dislikes, things we had done in the past and our dreams. The weekend came and Edward again drove down to Port Angeles to spend the weekend with me. I knew now was the time to tell Edward how I felt about him, he had been telling me all week how much he loved me. So, after dinner and some pep talk to myself, I finally had the courage to tell Edward I loved him with all my heart and we spent a blissful weekend together doing nothing but talking, making out and watching crappy TV.

The next week Edward surprised me in the middle of the week by coming down and cooking me dinner, for when I got home from work. It was the most romantic thing, he had rose petals scattered all over the couch and bed and was waiting for me to arrive home. After a delicious dinner, we were lying in bed together and again I had this little voice in my head saying 'Ask him to marry you', I was running scared, that he would reject me, I wouldn't be able to cope with that at all. Finally, after about ten minutes of arguing with myself I turned to Edward "Will you marry me?" He surprised me by kissing me and saying "Yes" and that he had wanted to ask me for a while but was scared that I would say no and be scared off the relationship with him.

 _So, there you have it! How your father and I became engaged, and yes it was me that asked him the question and I would do it all over again, because Edward stuck by his promise to always be by my side no matter what._

 _Till next time my beloved daughter_

 _Love always and forever_

 _Bella Cullen_

 _A/N thank you everyone for you support a special thank you to Sherry and Carole for taking time out of their busy lives to be my betas and helping make this story great_


	5. Chapter 6

_**Emma Hope**_

 _ **8**_ _ **th**_ _ **August 2016**_

 _ **Dear Emma,**_

 _ **So now you understand how your father and I became engaged. Can I say most people were surprised when we told them we were getting married and expressed their concerns that it would not last the distance? Well, your father and I have proven all those sceptics wrong, we are still together after 10 years. I am sure you want to hear about our wedding, what little girl doesn't want to hear about her parents wedding? Let's not just go straight into that and instead cover the months leading up to it.**_

So, after we told the Cullens and Charlie, Edward encouraged me to let Renee know we were getting married. Everyone wanted to know a date for the wedding, so your father decided it would be October 20th. Then things started to happen very quickly for us. My job at the bookstore, in Port Angeles, finished as the owner sold the store and the new owners wanted to renovate it.

Meanwhile, Esme and Carlisle decided to purchase a condo for Edward. When Edward told me the news about his condo I was surprised. I knew the Cullens were well off, but to just buy a condo for their son! That surprised me. I told Edward what had happened to my job at the book store and it was decided that I would move to Seattle.

Over the coming months Edward and I struggled to plan a wedding and live on just one income, since I had not been successful in finding employment. We also struggled on a personal level. Me, being stubborn and independent, didn't want to take anything from Edward, I wanted to, as much as possible, to keep doing everything on my own. Edward had to learn how to handle my independent stubbornness. He was working in a local Jazz club, while I continued to seek out employment options. Finally I found a part- time job in a little antique bookstore that sold first editions of everything from classics to current titles. It wasn't much, but it did allow me to feel I could contribute to the household again. That I wasn't just taking Edwards money, something I did not feel comfortable doing, having him pay for all the bills including my mobile bill, it just didn't feel right to me, I was used to being responsible for everything, if I didn't have the money I just didn't buy it or use it.

All Edward wanted was to take care of me, to support me in any and every way, with his gentle love and encouragement. The fact I had no choice I slowly let Edward knock down my walls I had put around me to protect me. I could finally see that, other than Charlie, there was another man that I could trust to love and protect myself. Slowly I started to feel like I could trust and feel safe again

I loved working at the bookstore and meeting the owner's daughter, Angela Webber, who like me was shy until you got to know her. We fast became best friends and started to do everything together. When I wasn't with Edward I was with Angela. One night I invited Angela and her boyfriend Ben to come to watch Edward play at the Jazz club he worked at. I was a regular there and all the staff knew me. I always sat at the front of the club so that I had a front row seat to Edward's amazing talent.

Angela and Ben met me at the club and we went to my regular table. We spent the night listening to Edward play while quietly talking. Angela inquired as to how the wedding plans were going so we spent the rest of the night talking about it. I asked Angela to be my maid of honor, she squealed with excitement and said yes. I told Angela that we were having the wedding in Forks, it would be small and as simple as possible. We had found a small chapel to take our vows in and we were planning to put a large tent in Charlie's backyard for the reception. Angela and I agreed that tomorrow we would go dress shopping. So, we sat back and watched the rest of Edward's show.

The next day Angela and I hit the stores and spent all day hunting down the right dress for, her and for me. We tried on everything from puffy to a simple black dress for her and finally settled on a simple blue full length dress for her and for myself, I found a simple A -line full length skirt dress with spaghetti straps in an off white colour with simple beading on the bodice. It was a simple but elegant dress and just what I wanted. Angela loved it. We were on such a high having found both our dresses for the big day. The rest of the wedding plans were coming along, Angela helped me book the flowers from a small florist around the corner from the condo, they were simple bouquets with cream roses and baby's breath with blue ribbons tying it all together. Charlie had decided that he was taking care of the reception, he was arranging for Fork's only upscale restaurant, the Lodge, to cater for the reception. All the tables and chairs were borrowed from Charlie's friends and neighbours.

Esme insisted on taking care of the decorations for the reception, because we simply refused their offer to pay for the wedding. We wanted to have as simple event as possible. Edward had chosen to have Jasper as his groomsman to stand up with him.

As time went on Edward and I were getting to know each other better. I was reluctantly letting go of my fears except for one fear that Edward would leave me, that fear wasn't going anywhere until we were married.

The first time I got sick, Edward was so sweet, he took the time off work and made sure I stayed in bed with a box of tissues and cups of teas beside me. Applying Vapour Rub onto my chest every few hours to make sure I could breath, he would go to the store to get the things to make me soup. This was the first time I was totally dependent on Edward and I really did not know what to make of it, because without his care and help I would not have been back at work within a few days. Edward made sure all I did was rest and sleep.

Life, though a challenge living with Edward was not perfect, but it was perfect for us as we worked together to become a strong couple and understand each other's needs and desires. Edward simply wanted to take care of me, while I had to learn to work with Edward instead of against him. I understand we were a couple, not individuals, sharing a home together, that we were building a life together, planning for a family and a future together.

Edward was always the romantic, he would surprise me with picnic lunches in the park on my days off, walks along the pier at night when he was not working. Or just long drives to get a milkshake for no reason at all.

I could never fault Edward's need to make sure I was happy and well taken care of. Edward was also putting my needs above his own, he wanted to make sure I was happy with him. There were so many firsts during that first year we were together. Not only were we planning our wedding, but we were learning about each other.

We would have deep and meaningful conversations about our lives before we met. Edward would gently encourage me to talk about my life with Renee, though it was hard to talk about. I am sure it was hard for Edward to listen to the facts that the woman he loved had been hurt so badly. He would always just listen to whatever I was talking about, he would allow me to get whatever was bothering me off my chest. At times Edward, would ask for more details on something I was talking about, this was always hard to do as the emotions that it would bring up while describing events that had happened in my life were never easy.

As we were approaching our wedding day I became more excited and scared at the same time and I started to do everything I could to push Edward away so that in the long run he could not hurt me, none of it worked, Edward refused to leave my side, always telling me he was going nowhere and that he loved me and wanted a future with me.

 _ **Dearest Emma,**_

 _ **You can see some of the challenges your father and I faced in the first 12 months of being together, yes, I was stubborn, I didn't want to be hurt again and knew that if I could push your father away, yes, I would be alone again and it would hurt just not as bad if I married him and then he left. I needed to see that I could trust your father with my heart**_

 _ **Love always Mum**_

 _ **Bella Cullen**_


	6. Chapter 7, actually chapter 6

**Emma Hope**

 _ **14**_ _ **th**_ _ **August 2016**_

 _ **Dearest Emma,**_

 _ **I guess now I should talk about your father's, and my wedding, well in this letter, tell of the days leading up to it. As so much happened and I realized that there was so much I still needed to let go of before I married your father.**_

A few days before the wedding everyone descended on Forks. to help with the preparations for the wedding. Angela and Ben stayed with me at Charlie's house. Charlie, being old- fashioned and a lawman, refused to allow Ben and Angela share a room, so Angela shared my twin bed and Ben got the lumpy old couch, which I am sure Charlie never updated in all my life. It still had the same decor as when my mother was here.

Speaking of my mother, with some pushing and prodding from Edward, I sent Renee an invitation to our wedding. Edward didn't want me to have any regrets in the future and he knew Charlie would not make a scene if she showed up. What Edward had trouble understanding was that I had no regrets where Renee was concerned, but like a good daughter, I sent her an invitation, which was sent back "Return to Sender", unopened. Charlie and I expected this, Edward not so much, he could not understand how a mother could not want to be at her only daughter's wedding. I will admit to you, Emma at the time I was a little hurt, but also relieved that I would not have to put up with the drama that came with having Renee around.

So, with everyone arriving at Forks we started to transform Charlie's backyard into a winter wonderland for the wedding. The tents were erected to keep the guest dry, should it decide to rain…. With it being Forks the chances of rain were high! All the tables were setup and decorated with the decorations that Esme and I had been making throughout the year. Just simple bouquets with white and blue roses tied with ribbon, in crystal vases. Esme insisted that just because the wedding was in a backyard did not mean the wedding couldn't have some class.

The inside roof of the tents was lined with fairy lights, white and blue ribbons. The backyard was really starting to come together with the woods as the backdrop, the lush green grass for the floor, the tents and tables. I was starting to get excited, but I was also starting to panic. This was really happening, I was forever going to have to work with another for the benefit of us both. I really did not know how to do that, despite the fact your father and I had been living together for almost a year. This was real, once we were married that was it.

Your father could see that everything was starting to get to me and the panic in my eyes, so he suggested to Angela that we have a girl's night out. I started to protest, saying there was still too much to do, the chapel still needed to be decorated, the caterer checked up on to be sure that they had organised the special meal requests that had been ordered. That the flowers were picked up, the cake to arrive at the house and the list went on. But your father was determined that I have a break. He knew that everything would get to me so he had a car pick Angela and I up and take us to Port Angeles, since he did not want me in Forks as he knew I would continue to stress and have a relaxing evening.

So, Angela dragged me upstairs to get ready, pushing me in the shower where she was like a drill sergeant getting me ready. By the time, I was out of the shower she had my outfit for the night picked out and was ready to start on my hair and makeup. With us ready to go and the car waiting outside, we headed off for a night of what should be fun and letting our hair down. At the time, I did not believe I would have any fun as I knew there was still too much to do in Forks. As we drove away Angela noticed a bottle of Champagne in an ice bucket with a note that _read "_ _ **My dearest Bella you are my life, my guiding star for ever I will follow you. We are about to make the strongest commitment any two people could make and I have no doubts in my mind that you are the one for me. So, enjoy your night, drink and be happy. The driver will be with you all night and take you wherever you want to do. Love always Edward."**_

So, as we drove the hour-long trip to Port Angeles, as Angela and I indulged on the Champagne, joking and talking the whole trip. Angela gushed over Edward's note, I just got all mushy and went to ring your father but realised I did not have my phone, Angela told me it was one of your father's instructions that I was not to have my phone because I would be checking up on everyone every five minutes, to see how preparations were going. Angela, of course, had her phone but refused to give it to me, stating she only had it for emergencies and that calling to thank Edward would not be classed as an emergency.

By the time, we had arrived at Port Angeles both Angela and I were very tipsy, the driver took us to a little Italian restaurant called Bella Italia where we enjoyed our meal and drank more wine. Due to our tipsiness, we were rather loud and the patrons kept giving us knowing looks, but it did not bother us as Angela said this was my hen's night, my last night to party as a single woman. Not that I ever needed it or wanted it I was happy to be at home with Edward just reading or relaxing but as usual your father was right, I did need a night away from all the stresses so that I could relax and enjoy my wedding day the next day

As the night progressed we went from bar to bar drinking, dancing and just enjoying ourselves. Many times, guys would try to talk to me, but I refused to engage them in conversation. Angela on the other hand flirted her way into getting us drinks most of the night. I just didn't feel right flirting with other guys when I had a perfectly wonderful man waiting to marry me tomorrow. Angela explained it to me that just because you had the prize bull at home did not mean you could not look over the herd. Angela explained that it was not cheating on Edward to have a conversation with a guy and allow him to buy me a drink or two as there was no way she would let it get beyond two drinks. What I did not realise at the time was that Angela was nowhere near as drunk as me. I was having too much fun, we danced the night away and by the time the last bar was closing for the night we headed back to Forks in the car. One minute I was in the back of the car talking to Angela and the next Charlie was helping me out of the car, I had no recollection of how we got home.

The next morning, I had awoken with a massive hangover and it was my wedding day. Just great! I felt like crap. The good thing was the ceremony wasn't until 4pm so I had all day to recover from last night, not that there was much that I could remember. I went downstairs and Charlie already had the coffee made, my life force for today. On the kitchen counter was a long jewellery box with an envelope with my name on it. Even through the hangover haze I knew your father was up to something.

I opened the card first and there was a note " _ **My ever so loving soon to be wife, I hope you are not suffering too much today, I knew you needed to relax so do not blame too much on Angela. Oh, Charlie has your phone and you will not be getting it back until after we are married. I want you to relax today, so I have arranged for breakfast to be delivered for everyone, Charlie has already placed the order. Also, around mid-morning a hairstylist will arrive to do yours and Angela's hair. I know you wanted to do your own to save costs but you are my princess, my bride and deserve to be spoiled today and everyday so get used to it. Also, I have a surprise for you around lunchtime. Don't try to get it out of Charlie because he won't tell you. I love you with all my heart and can't wait to make you Mrs Edward Cullen"**_. I had opened the box and inside was a beautiful antique diamond necklace, with a row of diamonds that formed the band, then rows of what can only be described as leaves curling up to the band. Between each set of leaves was a droplet with a heart shaped diamond, at the end of each droplet a white peal. I am so taken aback by this generous gift I start to cry. Not only was it took much but as usual your father knows me and knew I would not want anything too fancy, it was just perfect to wear with my wedding dress.

By mid-morning everyone in the house has eaten, though I was so nervous I tried to eat as much as I could to help absorb the alcohol still in my system, but it did not work very well. The stylist arrived and started working on Angela's hair while I relaxed sipping my coffee. I took this time to reflect on what I was about to do and realized that this was what I really wanted, there was no other man on this planet that was perfect for me. Yes, we would have our problems as time goes on, but he understands my needs and will always work with me.

Lunchtime had arrived with another delivered meal for everyone, and so did my surprise. I opened the front door to Esme carrying a garment bag and a smile. I asked her why she was here and not with Edward and she told me it was his idea that every bride should have their mother with them on their wedding day, I cried at his generosity to not have his mother with him as he prepares, just so that I can have a mother figure with me on our wedding day and that was how I had looked at Esme over the months leading to the wedding. She had been a massive supporter of mine and shown me what a real mother should be, she had been loving, caring and tells me often I am the daughter she never had.

Esme said to all of us "Let's get this party started "she took charge knowing full well I was stressing out about getting everyone organised, especially Charlie, who still was at a loss to know what he needed to do. So, Esme gently guided him to shower and get ready, while at the same time encouraging both Angela and myself to get ready. Once Angela was dressed and ready to go I could do nothing but stare. She looked amazing and I knew Ben will not be able to keep his hands off her tonight, I told Angela I hoped she had a room booked elsewhere tonight to which she just gave me a sly smile.

Esme clapped her hands announcing it was time for me to get dressed, then I started to freak out, what if Edward realizes I am too much work to be with and doesn't show up, what if he called off the wedding and said he doesn't really love me after all? I started to really panic and Esme could see I was about to have a full-blown panic attack, she tried everything to calm me down, even Charlie tried and nothing worked. Esme finally handed me her phone and with one word the voice from an angel I started to stop shaking, Edward had slowly and calmly reassured me that he couldn't wait to have married me, that I was everything he had ever dreamed of wanting in a woman. That he has waited all his life for me and how much he was looking forward to our future together. By this time my breathing has returned to normal and I could talk with him calmly. Once Edward knew I was calm enough to finish getting ready he told me he couldn't wait to see me at the chapel and let me go so that I can get ready.

Now calm, Esme and Angela helped me into my dress and veil. Esme cried and said I was the most beautiful bride ever, which I doubt but I did not tell her that. She said she couldn't wait to see Edward's reaction. Now dressed, and excited to get this show on the road, Esme called Charlie into my room and my jaw dropped, I had never seen Charlie in a suit before and he had gone all out for the day, he looked amazing and I told him so, I noticed a tear in his eye and so did Esme, so she gently pushed everyone but Charlie and I out of the bedroom so we could have a few minutes to ourselves.

Charlie started to speak telling me about how proud he was of me, how that no matter what Renee put me though I had become a strong enough woman to stand on my own and make a better life for myself. Then I realised before it was too late what he already knew and that I was worth loving for myself and to be loved by others. Charlie tried to apologize for not being there through my childhood when he should have seen what was happening and taken me from Renee sooner. I stopped him there and assured him that Renee was very good at keeping things from him and that it wasn't his fault. Charlie and I shed a few tears about my past and the time we lost together, but I reassured Charlie that he was always welcome in Seattle. That Forks would always be my home. He made me promise to spend Christmas with him in Forks and he would come to Seattle for Thanksgiving since it will be so soon after the wedding. There was a gentle knock on the door and Esme poked her head in the door telling us it was time and that she was leaving to head to the chapel to check on Edward.

I thanked Esme and asked Charlie for a few minutes to myself before I was ready to go. After talking with Charlie, I realized that I could still be the strong independent woman that I had become but still allowed Edward to take care of my needs. I had come so far and with both Charlie's and Edward's help I came to realize that not only did I finally love myself in the right way but that I could also be worthy of someone else's love. I deserved to be in love and happy. I deserved all the things that I had been dreaming of all my life but had not believed that I deserved them. Well, I realized was wrong and that it was time that I started to enjoy my life and live it with a wonderful husband and family that loved me unconditionally

 _ **Dearest Daughter Emma,**_

 **I think this is a good place to stop this letter and the next one will cover the wedding and honeymoon. Always remember that no matter where you are I always love you and want nothing more than to be with you. But I know the time will come that we will be together again.**

 **Love always Mum**

 **Bella Cullen**

AN: Thank you again to Sherry Neal and Carole Long for their continued support in making sure Letters to Emma is the best it can be. Happy New Year everyone, I hope you had a safe and happy holidays


	7. Chapter 7

_**Emma Hope**_

 _ **AN: As it is Emma's second Heavenly Birthday a treat for all my readers. The Wedding**_

 _ **19**_ _ **th**_ _ **August 2016**_

 _ **Dear Emma,**_

 _ **I left the last letter just before your father's and my wedding was about to start and told you we would be talking about the honeymoon.**_ _ **I hope you find these letters as useful as I do writing them, getting down as much detail as I can about our lives before and after you.**_

I came out of my bedroom with a new sense of peace surrounding me, I knew I was making the right decision to marry your father, I could not ask for a more understanding man to help be my guide through life's journey.

Charlie was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs with a proud father's look on his face, a smile a mile wide, Charlie inquired if I was ready to go. I said yes that I was ready to marry my soul mate. Today Charlie decided that the Police Cruiser was not a suitable car to take his daughter, the bride, to her wedding so he borrowed a friend's car that he drove, with Angela in the front, me in the back.

On the way to the chapel I started to get nervous, questioning if Edward would be there waiting. What if he decided I was too much work? I had all these questions and doubts in my mind and I was starting to panic. Charlie looked in his rear-view mirror to see panic all over my face and reassured me that Edward would be there and soon I would see him.

Arriving at the Chapel the ground was muddy from the rain the night before. Thank god, I chose a dress without a train. I pulled my dress up as I got out of the car, so that it would not get muddy or wet, and walked with Charlie to the front doors of the chapel. Angela was the first one to walk through the doors with A Thousand Years by Christina Perri playing. Then, the music changed to one I had specially picked out for your father, Savage Gareden's, I Knew I Loved You.

The doors opened again and Charlie and I stood on the threshold and I could finally see your father, I breathed a sigh of relief that he was here. I almost ran Charlie down the aisle to get to your father, Charlie had a little giggle gently tapping me on the arm, reminding me we had to walk slowly and in time with the music. It was agonizing as all I wanted to do was to get to Edward.

Finally, Charlie and I were at the altar and Edward put out his hand for me to take and I gladly did, feeling safe and complete in his arms again. The reverend started the service by asking who gives this woman away, Charlie stepped forward kissing me on both cheeks, telling how proud he was of me and all that I have accomplished. The rest of the service was a blur to me, I did not notice Jasper standing by Edward's side or the wonderful job Esme and Angela had done with the chapel decorations. All that I saw was Edward standing beside me in a tux and damn did he look good. It is a shame, you Emma you never would see your father in a tux he would have been your prince as he was mine

Finally, the reverend pronounced us husband and wife. Edward wrapped his arms around me kissing me like he has never done before, there was so much passion and love radiating from his kiss. He was taking me to new heights. Places I never knew existed with just one kiss, we were in our own bubble. Finally, the noise from the crowd interrupted us. Mainly it was Emmett making most of the noise. Edward kissed me again saying "I love you Mrs Cullen" with a huge smile on his face, one that I could not resist giving him back.

As we were leaving the chapel I took the time to notice the wonderful job Esme did in decorating the Chapel, with ribbons and flower arrangements on each pew. It truly looked like a winter wonderland.

Outside photos were taken with everyone in all different groups, I noticed during this Charlie was off to the side. I made my escape while the photographer was talking with Esme and Edward to see what was troubling Charlie. Being Charlie he did not want to talk about it, but I could see something was troubling him. Finally, he admitted he was sad to be letting me go, that I would no longer just be his daughter, the one who turned to him when I need advice or help with something, and he would no longer be the most important person in my life. That he now had to share the role with Edward. I wrapped my arms around Charlie's waist and held on tightly telling him I would always need him, that yes, Edward would be an important part of my life but so would he, and no matter where I was on the Earth we would still always remain close. That hopefully soon he would have a new role to play in my life as grandfather to my children, he just grunted at that and said he hoped not too soon, he was too young to be a grandfather. I just laughed.

Edward came over to make sure everything was ok and to let me know it was time to head to the reception party, which I was looking forward to the most, a chance to let my hair down and relax since we were just having a small party with our guests.

At Charlie's house, we had tables set up so that the guests could sit anywhere as there were no assigned seating. we wanted people to feel comfortable and relaxed. Charlie had hired a DJ who also handled the entertainment. Everyone mingled with each other till it was time for the meal. We all took our seats while the JD called the best man to give his speech. He spoke about the silly things Edward and he used to do when they were younger, he talked about the phone call Edward made to him after meeting me and how Jasper knew that Edward would be getting married soon, just from that one phone call.

Next up was Angela, even though she had not known me as long as Jasper had known Edward, she still brought a tear to everyone's eyes when she talked about meeting this woman with such an inner strength and she knew being friends with her would be a special kind of bond. How she could see even though I seemed happy that there was a deep sadness to my eyes and she wanted to solve that mystery. That she was looking forward to having a friendship with me for many years to come and being named godmother of our children.

Charlie went next, he was nervous as he stood, giving a heartfelt speech about how he felt he had let me down in my childhood by allowing me to live with my mother and how proud he was of me for never giving up, for facing each challenge I came across head on and not letting my past beat me down. Charlie spoke about the day I said I was coming to live with him and how he was over the moon, but nervous at the same time since we had been apart for so long and we really didn't know each other, but he was not going to let that stop him. His baby girl wanted him and he was going to be there for her no matter what it took. Charlie went on to say what he would do to Edward if he ever hurt me, reminding Edward he was police chief and could hide a body in the woods just behind the house and no one would know. This made everyone laugh, except Edward.

Edward was last to make his speech and he had everyone crying as he told the story of how he met this amazing young woman that he could see was scared and that if he moved the wrong way, would scare her off and that was something he could not do because she had a part of his heart that he could not live without. That he knew from the moment we set eyes on each other we were destined to be together forever, He said he looked forward to the challenges we would face together. He also laughed and says he looked forward to the fights because of me being so independent and stubborn, which makes me blush. Edward said that a thousand life times would not be enough for him, that he wanted eternity with me and that in this lifetime we would have everything I had ever wanted or was too scared to dream about, because he would make those dreams come true. He said he could see us sitting old together in our rockers, with our grandchildren and great -grandchildren around us, listening to how we met and our powerful love story.

By this time most of the female guests were in tears and so was I. Edward took my hand and walked me to the dance floor where he said that he has one more surprise for me and the DJ starts playing a song that I did not recognize. Then, I realize that it was just a piano piece. I looked at Edward and he whispered in my ear that this was my lullaby that he wrote just for me. As we slow danced I listened carefully and could feel the love and passion Edward had for me in this song. ( _AN: Bella's lullaby by Carter Burwell)_ As I listened I just melted into Edwards arms and held him close as he rested his chin on my head moving us gently to the rhythm of the music that I had inspired.

At the end of our dance Charlie asked for a dance, which Edward gladly stepped aside to give Charlie and me as much time together as possible. This was an awkward dance as Charlie doesn't really dance and neither do I _(AN: Never Think by Robert Pattinson)_. Charlie said he was going to miss me and that this would always be my home no matter where I lived. I just held Charlie not wanting to let him go, he had been my strength, my rock for so long. I knew he would always be a phone call away as it was just us and the world, now it's Edward and I, and the rest of the world.

Edward and I spent the rest of the evening mingling with our guests, I got to know some of Edward's friends better as we just hung out. They told tales of things Edward had got up to when he was single, But that they had never seen Edward look so happy as he did that day.

Edward and I called it a night around 9pm as we wanted to drive back to Seattle that night. Charlie was worried that it was too late for such a long trip, but we reassured him that it was fine, because we both would be driving and would stop and take breaks, for rest and coffee along the way. But Edward and I really wanted to spend our wedding night in our own bed. So, we set off after saying good bye to everyone, which took us 20 minutes, but since most of the guest were either staying with Charlie or in the hotel in town we would have no interruptions when we got home

By the time, we got home all Edward and I wanted to do was shower and sleep. I went first showering and washed all the hairspray out of my hair. It was good to feel clean after such a long day, but I was looking forward to a sleep and spending time exploring the city with my wonderful new husband. Once out of the shower Edward followed and we both climbed into bed exhausted, but the passion was still there for us, no matter how tired we were. We ended spending our wedding night in the throes of passion, falling asleep after watching the sun rise over the horizon of Seattle from our Condo window.

For the next few days were relaxed and worked with no time schedule, we did what we wanted to when we wanted to. Your father, being the romantic he was, surprised me with a candlelit dinner at the rotating restaurant in the Space Needle. It was so romantic and we got to watch the sun setting over the horizon while eating our dinner.

One day we spent strolling along Pike Place Market in Elliot Bay, as we purchased what we wanted and did not have a care in the world, while sipping on our coffees as we walked along. We had lunch at one of the little cafes there. We found, and bought, small gifts for everyone.

We spent other days walking the waterfront along the boardwalk investigating all the little shops, taking in the treasure that was our hometown. Whilst our days were spent busily exploring the city, we talked about everything, including our hopes and dreams for the future. We agreed to start to try for a family, neither of us wanted to be too old being parents we wanted to still enjoy our life together, just us, but we also wanted to be able to keep up with our children and as Edward said in his wedding speech we wanted to be able to see our great grandchildren.

So, with our days busy so were our nights, but really Emma you don't need those details. Our honeymoon was ending and we had to return to the real world and our careers. Although, I will always treasure those days I had with Edward, just us with not a care in the world, young and in love.

 _ **Dearest Emma,**_

 _ **I will leave you there for now, your next letter I might just tell you about the time when your Uncle Emmett meets your Aunt Rosalie… That is a funny story. I miss you and love you every day. Till next time**_

 _ **Love always your mum**_

 _ **Bella**_ _ **Cullen**_

 _ **AUTHORS NOTE:**_

 _ **Songs for this chapter are,**_

 _ **I knew I loved you by Savage Garden**_

 _ **A thousand Years by Christina Perri**_

 _ **Never Think by Robert Pattinson**_

 _ **A special Thank you to Sherry and Carole who over the holidays have taken the time to make sure they help me out with editing each chapter**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**25**_ _ **th**_ _ **August 2016**_

 _ **Dear Emma, we miss you every day, from here on out we are going to be jumping ahead in time, so you get a clear understanding of the main events in the lives of the people that you would have been around, especially your Aunt Rosalie, Uncle Emmett, Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper. Today I will focus on the events surrounding Emmett and Rosalie, what was happening with your father and I, as well as your uncle and aunt.**_

As soon as your father and I were married we wanted to start a family. My monthly cycle had never been regular and when I did get them I was in a terrible amount of pain, that the only thing I could do was take to Advil and climb into bed with a hot water bottle. The first few times I got my monthly cycle around your dad I tried hide it. I was embarrassed about them. But your father, being the amazing man that he was, took me in his arms and let me cry from the pain I was in and the emotional roller coaster the cycle caused me to go through. In the time I had been with your father for just over a year I had only had 3 cycles, I knew something was wrong with me. I just was scared to find out what it was. I had done some reading on the internet and found something called Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome. This condition basically fitted all my symptoms. So after almost 2 years of trying to have a baby I agreed to seek help and to find out what was wrong with me.

After months of testing and minor surgeries the doctor decided that yes, I had Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome but also Endometritis. The doctors explained to us that there was very little chance that we would ever conceive a child naturally. So, after some consideration and listening to what the doctors said your father and I decided to try fertility treatments. With months of trying different drugs, more testing our lives seems to revolve around when things were scheduled, not like it was us loving life and taking it one day at a time.

Your father could see the affect all the drugs had been having on me. My mental health had deteriated to the point I was so depressed that I refused to get out of bed or do anything like go to work. Your father made the decision that enough was enough and stopped all treatment. I screamed, I cried but in the end your father was right this was not the way for us. That there had to be away that would have little impact on my mental illnesses.

So, your father and I took a break, well he did, I never gave up trying to fall pregnant, I did everything I could think of to try to fall. Your father became concerned with my obsession to have a child that he suggested I find a new therapist, which I had not done when I moved to Seattle. I did not see that I had a problem. Many women try all these different methods to fall pregnant and they do, so why wouldn't it work for me? Well nothing worked. We had been married for 2 years and still nothing.

So, I finally agreed to seek help with my obsession, as your father called it, and found a wonderful therapist not far from our home and to this day I still see her. But this letter was supposed to be about our Uncle Emmett meeting Aunt Rosalie.

So, about the time we were trying to have a child, your joyful, happy go lucky uncle was changing from the adult boy child. He was to become a melancholy man. We tried everything to find out what was wrong. The man that always saw the brighter side of life was depressed. So one day I took him out for coffee to help cheer him up. As we were talking and he admitted that he saw what Edward and I had, wanting just that for himself. He explained that he was lonely, wanting someone to come home to, someone he could cherish and love till the end of time. Emmett said that he had been on a few dates, even tried on line dating, but there was no spark, no sense of excitement when he was with these women. There was nothing there, he was depressed, believing he would always be alone with no one to love.

I pointed out to him that love has a funny way of either slamming you in the face or sneaking up on you when you least expected it and not to give up on finding his one true love, but let it take a back seat for a while and see what happens. This did not seem to sit well with Emmett. He was a man of no patience when it came to getting what he wanted and right now he wanted to find love, he wanted the whole nine yards. The uncontrollable all-consuming love, the house with the white picketed fence, 2.5 kinds and the dog type of love. There was nothing I could say to my strong cuddly bear younger brother to convince him that it would happen, he wanted it now. Just as his brother had found, he was ready to settle down. He had a good career as a personal trainer to some of the most elite and richest members of society in Seattle. His business was thriving, and now he wanted to focus on his personal life.

Suddenly, in the little café we were sitting in, a gust of icy cold wind blew in as the door was opened. Emmett turned around to look and was frozen mid-sentence with this love struck look on his face. I looked up and noticed this tall statuesque blonde walked in the door, looking as if she had just walked off the cat walk. It was as if life was suddenly in slow motion, Emmett just sat there not knowing what was going on or what to do.

As the blonde walked in the guy behind the counter yelled, " Hey Rose you're late again" She responded, "Sorry Henry, my truck wouldn't start last night and I had to put a new starter motor in before work. Sorry I didn't call. I lost track of time, you know how I am when I am with my baby"

The guy behind the counter just laughed. Usually this is a common occurrence with these two. What Emmett didn't realise, that I did, was that Emmett had found his one true love.

Slowly, he rose from his seat and went to the counter to order another coffee. The blonde was now behind the counter serving customers before Emmett. As he approached he said the dumbest thing that could come out of his mouth. He asked her to marry him! She just laughed sarcastically telling him that this was not her first marriage proposal and it would not be her last. Emmett followed it up confidently by saying that she would not be receiving any more proposals from anyone but him. She just laughed again in his face telling him he was just some big dumb oaf chasing just another pretty skirt. She had heard it all and was not interested in his game playing. The guy working with her asked if Emmett was bothering her, to which Rose said that she was fine, just having some fun.

Emmett finally said that he would prove her wrong if she would go out on a date with him. She, no surprise at all, said no handing Emmett his coffee and ignoring him while serving her next customer. I was just laughing watching this all play out. But I noticed my lunch break was over and needed to return to work. So, I walked up to Emmett, who was still at the counter staring at the blonde bombshell, and whispered in his ear that we both needed to return to work, while noticing at the same time that Rose just glared at me, shooting daggers with her eye… I thought to myself this was an interesting development for someone sarcastic enough, showing nothing but confidence and clearly telling Emmett she was not interested, was clearly showing me something else entirely .She wanted Emmett as much as he wanted her, so I played on it just a little, getting Emmett's attentions by saying " Emmett honey lunch time is over and we both need to get back to work, will you walk me to the bookstore before your appointment and then after work we will go to your parents for dinner like we planned". Emmett just stared at me dumbfounded asking with his eyes what game was I playing at since he knew clearly that I was happily married to his brother ad he knew I had seen and heard everything that had just happened.

Emmett, keeping up with the game, took a quick look at the blonde bombshell, Rose, and saw something that he did not understand, but kept playing along with my game by saying" Darling you know better than that to distract me when I am on the hunt and I have found my target. You will not sway me from my prey." He then laughed, put his arm around me and proceeded to walk me out the cafe.

As we walked out I yelled over my shoulder to Rose that Emmett was my younger brother in law and the look on her face was pure shock with the realization of what she had done. She had let, possibly the best thing in her life walk out the door because of her own stubbornness.

As we stepped out into the cold winter air, Emmett asked me what the hell that was all about and I explained to him what I had seen and heard, not just form him but from Rose as well. How she kept looking at Emmett, that I felt the sarcasm was a cover for her really being interested in Emmett but she did not want to be played like she probably had been in the past.

Emmett was shocked by what I had observed and wanted to go back in there, pick her up and carry her off into the sunset. I told him NO he had to play it cool. We could meet for coffee every day if he wanted, to have our lunch breaks at the little café so that he could get to know Rose and so that Rose would see Emmett for who he truly was, the best big little brother in law a girl could ever want. A man with yes, no patience and a bit of a short fuse when he got frustrated, but a man with a pure heart of gold that would do anything for those he loved and he loved his family deeply. He had a special bond with his brother and parents. Now it was time for him to share his heart with a woman and that woman was this beautiful blonde bombshell named Rose, who worked in the café near our work.

As we walked away I heard the café door opened and looked over my shoulder without Emmett knowing and saw Rose staring at us, watching the man she wanted walk away, not knowing if she would ever see him again. Little did she know that I had a plan to get these two together. No matter what it took, from what I could see they were perfect for each other. Emmett would be Rose's rock all dependable and standing by her side and Rose would not take any of Emmett's crap, keeping him in line like none of us could.

When I got home from work that day Edward was just getting ready for the Jazz club and I informed him of how his brother was, as he had been just as concerned as I had been, but did not know what to do. So I told him to have no fear as his brother had met his future wife, if he did not fuck it up. Edward just laughed saying this is Emmett we are talking about of course he will do something wrong .He just hoped Emmett didn't cause too much damage until the couple were madly in love.

 _ **Emma,**_

 _ **Well my darling Emma this is how your uncle and aunt met and what a whirl wind romance it were married almost as fast as your father and me. I can say that to begin with your aunt and I did not see eye to eye, until one day something happened and we had an honest talk about our lives and found we had similar experiences. That she loved her big oaf of a husband and would do anything for him. But that she would always put him and herself first before the family's desires, she did not marry his family but him and if the family did not like it, it was their problem. She was not going to change for anyone**_

 _ **Love always Mum**_

 _ **Bella Cullen**_


	9. Authors Note not chapter

HI everyone, I have not abandoned the story at all, it has just been a very difficult few months for me and many changes, I will share my real life blog with those that are interested to read to find out where I have been.  
Since it has been so long I will have to re read what I have written to know where I am up to and hope to start writing again next week


	10. Author note important up coming chapter

Hi all,

well chapter 9 is written and off to my wonderful betas.

I just want to say that from chapter 9 for the next three chapters might be hard for some of you to read, there maybe triggers for some.

IN chpater 9 without giving to much away it talks about religion and faith and why Bella turned her back on Christanity and chose paganism. I understand if I loose readers because of this and some of you feel the need not to continue to read the story but this is an important part of Bella's life and how she will manage furture events.

This chapter also talkes about Disossitive identiy disorder again it maybe hard for some of you to read and may cause triggers in others, again I understand if you chose not to read this chapter.

at least chpater 10, 11 there will probably be triggers for some and there is a loss including at least one character death not a major one though., these will be hard for me to write and I will try my hardest not to make them too tragic but they are a major key points in this story.

If you have any questions pm me I am happy to answer without giving away the story. afte


	11. Chapter 8 Jasper, Alice, Cullen family

_**The original story and character of this twilight Fan Fiction belong to Stephanie Myer, No copy right infringement intended, Though the plot belongs to me sole.**_

 _ **Though this is a fictional story some of the events mentions are true events and the author has permission from those involved to use these and all future events. If you have any questions or concerns please contact me directly**_

 _ **TRIGGER WARNING: mention of death and abuse**_

 _ **13**_ _ **th**_ _ **September 2016**_

 _ **Dearest Emma,**_

 _ **Today is my 34**_ _ **th**_ _ **birthday, but it does not feel special at all without you here. Your father is trying his best to make it special. He even got me a gift from you, which I will always cherish, but it's not the same, it still breaks my heart silently that you are not here with us, though I try to hide my pain from your father, but he always sees it. I know it breaks his heart. But it makes it worse for him when he sees how much I suffer with you not being here.**_

 _ **So now your uncle has married his Rosalie. I also want to talk about your godfather Uncle Jasper and how he met his beloved, Alice.**_

Though I had never given up hope that one day your father and I would have a child of our own, with the help of my therapist I came to accept that we were not going to have children. Your father and I decided to take a break from doing anything except for joining together in our love for each other Though, this killed me to stop obsessing I could see the effects it was having on your father, the man I loved more than life itself.

Remember I told you that Jasper was your father's best friend, well, Jasper is quiet and reserved but always on the go, wanting to try new things. Jasper is an easy person to like or even love but like your father, he is a little shy around women, although he never found it hard to find a girlfriend. The trouble was that women would take advantage of him. Treating him like crap and trying to walk all over him because he was a gentleman. He would treat any woman he was with like she was a queen and the only woman in his world.

After many failed attempts to find his love when he found her he didn't see her coming and did she come like a hurricane. In walked Mary Alice Brandon into his life and ours, with her telling me the first time I met this little spitfire that we were going to be the best of friends.

Many people around us found Alice strange and difficult to handle, especially your dad's and Jasper's female friends. There is one who comes to mind Tanya Denali. Even though she was happily married with children of her own. She did not like Alice and did not want Jasper with her and hated the fact Jasper asked Alice to marry him.

Though I was close to this woman I felt she was being unfair to Alice. Yes, she was different but I could always see how good she was for Jasper. Alice always brought the best out in everyone, even though Alice tried her hardest to be friends with this woman, she was spiteful, and would tell anyone that would listen to her that Alice was not good enough for Jasper, including me. I eventually stopped talking with her even, at Jasper and Alice's wedding she did not approve. I knew deep down, that even though she was married she always wanted Jasper for herself and felt that he should have married her instead.

I never had a problem with Alice and was not surprised the day Jasper told us he was marrying Alice. I was excited for them and looking forward to having Alice in my life. I got to watch this bubbly hurricane pledge her life and her love to Jasper, the perfect man to tame her overzealousness.

Alice and I quickly became best friends and I learned very quickly that her hurricane personality was a cover for her deep-seated past. She would never talk about it, because it was too painful for her even to think, it would cause her mountains of deep seated depression, I could understand and relate to that, the need to protect one's self from pain.

Alice loved to shop, she was also a fashion designer in her own right, but she was also highly intelligent woman always considering ways to stimulate her mind. I think by now she has three college degrees under her belt, fashion, business and marketing. All things that have assisted in making her, such a young age in the fashion industry, a much a sought icon, though many tried, she would never expand her boutiques beyond Seattle, meaning women from all over the country would travel to one of her stores to get an Alice Brandon original. Alice was always a hit during fashion week. I once went to one with her to help and my god I thought she was a hurricane in her personal life, but Professionally during Fashion week she was in her element and never stopped and everyone loved her.

Boy did she love playing dress up Bella, I hated it but did it because she loved it, and gee, could that woman shop. If it was not for clothes that she didn't need, then it was for the home or gifts. I always hated my birthday and the attention it brings, thanks to Alice, but each year she would insist that I have a party. This year I won, no party but I think that had more to do with your father putting his foot down and expressing that due to the turn of events, this year that it needed to be a quiet affair. Even though that would not stop me from thinking about you not being here, Emma, with us to enjoy my first birthday with you, but that will never come.

At around the same time as Jasper and Alice marrying, your uncle Emmett and Aunt Rosalie announced they were expecting their first child. I was so excited to be an aunt, that I went out and brought your aunt a gift bag full of pampering goodies. I know your aunt prefers grease to bath bombs or working on her cars over facials, but it was the thought that counted. Rosalie and I were not very close, as I found it hard to let go of Emmett and made things difficult for your aunt for a long time, believing your uncle should side with his family on certain matters, and not his wife. I WAS SO WRONG. I was jealous, I can admit that now. I had never had siblings of my own and your uncle was the best big little brother a woman could have and I did not handle it well losing him. Your uncle was doing the right thing supporting his wife, she was his future.

Well, when we were told they were expecting, I told your father it was time to disclose the family secrets to his brother he had be kept hidden. It just so happened that night was your father's night off from the Jazz club and we drove to the other side of the city where Rose and Emmett were living courage he needed to talk about all the secrets he'd been keeping inside himself. I then went and told them about my mother and my past just briefly, this was about Emmett and Edward's family. Rose was not shocked at all, Emmett had trouble believing it because he never saw it happening and it never happened to him. Though he told your father, he believed him, I think he was just in shock.

I had the courage to explain to Emmett in more details about what I knew of the secret and how he would not have seen anything unless he was being groomed for the part. Rose of course, believed every word of it and has seen it time and time again since she started working in child protection. She could understand my need for them to know the secret, as future generations needed to be protected. I could see the steam rolling off Rose because, she was so angry, and had a need in her to not only protect her unborn child and husband, she also had the need to protect Edward, even though she knew that was my job. I knew she would always be on my side, to lend a hand, should I ever need it.

I knew that with the help Rose, Emmett would eventually understand why Edward kept this family secret. She would be the one to help him open his eyes to the truth, even if he chose to still be involved with his family, he would be aware aware and able to protect future generations of the Cullen clan.

This was also the day I put my issues aside and realized I did not really have a a problem with Rose, my issues with her were all on me, my insecurities getting the best of me. I was not losing the love of my brother -in- law, I was gaining a sister. It took Rose and me a long time to get to a stage where we are friends, not best friends, but we stand together as strong women in this family of secrets. We are the strength for our husband's when they need us to be especially, against their family. Nothing stands in our way. I think I have it easier than Rose, Edward understands where I am coming from and will support and decision I make, but still does not like to ruffle the family feathers. Emmett on the other hand, though he believes his brother and knows the truth, tries not to let it affect the family dynamics. He tries to make everyone happy, but he if can't someone, will be hurt.

Though nothing really changed in the family's dynamics both boys were aware of the family secret, you could see the changes in how the boys reacted to being around their parents and family. While Rose and I were like lionesses protecting their den and cubs, the boys and future children would always be protected and safe while we were around. We now stand together against whatever this family will throw at us.

As time went on and the more I got to know Rose, I grew a deeper respect for her and her strength. she would challenge both her husband and his family no matter the cost. She would not allow Emmett's family to harm those that she loved or needed her protections and that included Edward, to some degree.

The night that Edward told his brother the family secret I am sure Rose saw a different side to Edward; the vulnerable child that had been affected by this secret, but also a man who had to face his fears and humiliation to come forward to protect his future niece at whatever cost it was to him. Though Rose and I have never talked about it I'm sure she has great respect for her brother- in- law. But she would have also seen the love that Edward has for his family. Even with this secret hanging over his head and the love that he has for his brother by keeping it to prevent from hurting Emmett. But with my support Edward came to realize that he needed to also protect the innocent children that were to come into this family. For this I am sure Rose feels a stronger bond to Edward and a deeper respect for him.

 _ **Dear Emma,**_

 _ **On this note, I will leave you for now, I am sure you question my need to talk about the Cullen family secret, but you also need to understand this family's dynamics and why your Aunt Rose and I are the way we are, some of this was painful to write for both your father and myself but you need to know the good, bad and ugly about us your parents.**_

 _ **I know I only touched on your godparents Alice and Jasper but you will be reading more about them in the future and how important they became to your father and I and still are.**_

 _ **Love your Mum**_

 _ **Bella Cullen**_

 _ **A/N**_

 _ **Thank you so much to all my readers for their time they put into reading my story. This is my first fictional works, though I am currently also working on my first original fictional story.**_

 _ **I would like to say a massive Thank you to Sherry and Carole for your time and effort in helping me make this story great, you both are there for me when I need to talk ideas.**_

 _ **A special Thank you to two important women in my life for now you will be known as Rosalie and Alice, you know who you are. Through your courage and strength you have helped make me a better person I am today. Even in the darkest times you both have been there for me**_


	12. Chapter 12

Hi all,

well chapter 9 is written and off to my wonderful betas.

I just want to say that from chapter 9 for the next three chapters might be hard for some of you to read, there maybe triggers for some.

IN chpater 9 without giving to much away it talks about religion and faith and why Bella turned her back on Christanity and chose paganism. I understand if I loose readers because of this and some of you feel the need not to continue to read the story but this is an important part of Bella's life and how she will manage furture events.

This chapter also talkes about Disossitive identiy disorder again it maybe hard for some of you to read and may cause triggers in others, again I understand if you chose not to read this chapter.

at least chpater 10, 11 there will probably be triggers for some and there is a loss including at least one character death not a major one though., these will be hard for me to write and I will try my hardest not to make them too tragic but they are a major key points in this story.

If you have any questions pm me I am happy to answer without giving away the story. afte


	13. Changes

Chapter 9

 _ **1**_ _ **st**_ _ **October 2016**_

 _ **Dearest Emma,**_

 _ **Fall is upon us and my favourite time of the year, as the leaves start to change color, the nights get cooler and the ghost or zombies start to rattle in their graves awaiting the night of all hallows eve. IN my opinion, it is better than Christmas or Thanks Giving, yes, the food is great and every year I am sure I gain 5 pounds, though your father Denys it. I am going to jump a few years and talk a bit about the things your father and I did before your arrival.**_

Your father and I had now after 8 years and no child of our own accepted the fact it was not going to happen, well your father had accepted it long ago, it took me 6 years. About 3 years after we married father had been approached by a music producer Garrett at the Jazz Club who wanted a demo of your father's work. When he came home that night to tell me I was so proud of your father, I always knew his talents were being wasted in the club but he was happy and content there, who was I to tell him he had to be more ambitious.

Garrett gave your father his card and told him to call, he would help him get his demo done. The next morning your father was in a music studio doing what I love him doing the best composing music, honestly when he is in his zone nothing shire of an earthquake could break his concentration even then I have my doubts. Within three months the demo was ready, though I hardly saw your father during that time he was still working at the Jazz club at nights and in the studio during the day. Though I missed your father I knew this was his dream and I was going to support him no matter what.

Garrett took the demo to every record label he could and though Jazz is not a popular charts hitter some were interested, one wanted to sign your father up on the stop to work with their chart-topping artists to add a flavour of Jazz to their music giving it a uniqueness not heard on currently music. Your father loved the idea and signed a 6-month contract with the company to test the waters before he would commit long term. But like all things your father sets his mind to he was a success with two artists, both were young and new to the music industry and were willing to take a risk.

While your father was rapidly advancing in his career and living his dreams I had finally finished college but found it difficult to find employment, I quickly realised that though I love leisure and reading, I had spent so many years hiding away in the worlds my beloved books had created safe havens for me. I place I could escape my past, that I needed to step away from this fantasy worlds for a while and find a way to live in the real world.

So, with your father's support I left the bookstore that I loved working at and explored a change. Since I could not have children of my own I wanted to work with them especially trouble youth and there were so many that needed help and guidance or just someone who might understand where they are coming from and I believed even if I could make a difference in one young person's life I had done what I set out to do.

So with my goal in mind I started to look at this new career path, determined and excited about this, I worked hard and quickly was discourage as all the positions wanted either experience or qualifications of which I had naive, even though I had life experience having lived such a hard life with Renee before I went and lived with Charlie, I had survived years of abuse at the hands of both Renee and Phil and come out the other end living somewhat a normal life and could have loving relationships it was not enough.

One day I saw an ad on line for a home for youth with disabilities, though I knew nothing at the time about people with disabilities the position did not necessarily require qualification or experience so I applied and was successful.

I was naive and believed I could help these trouble young men make a better life for themselves, I was wrong. I spent the next year with four young males always wanting to either kill themselves or wanting to kill each other. It was an extremely stressful time for me and I did not cope with the emotional aspect of the job well. The constant fighting, having knives held to my side, pick axes swung at my head or watching one young male destroy the home over something minor causing so much damage and us needing to call the police on almost a regular basis.

I ended up having to leave because it caused a mental breakdown for me and took me 6 months to recover from. I was disheartened and felt like a failed, I could not help these young men. I quickly came to realise that not everyone wants to be saved, that violence is everywhere.

During the 6 months that I took off from full time employment I did some casual jobs for an agency during one of those days I was sent to a day program with people with a disability and discovered where I belonged. So, once I was ready to find full time employment this is where I started to look.

I finally found a position about 45 minutes from our condo and fitted right in. I learnt quickly about the different types of disabilities and found I worked well with those that at Autism or Down Syndrome. I also discovered a lot about myself. I still did not cope well with violent situations but those were limited events, but these clients I quickly was able to learn ways to prevent them from getting violent. Most of my days were spent teaching these individuals the basic life skills and good health. It was always amazing to me to watch one of them achieve something new even the smallest of things.

After the breakdown, I came to realize that I needed more help than just my therapist so I started seeing a physiatrist and worked with them on putting me on medication to help manage my mental health mainly my anxiety.

During these years was a major self-discovery for me, not only in my career but also in my personal life. I had started writing down my thoughts and feelings for no other reason than to get it out of paper. I never really had any intention of anyone seeing what I wrote but it helped. At the same time, I started to explore my own spirituality. I always believed in God and Jesus but felt there was more to it than what the bible had written.

I spent many years searching and reading, many times I came across books on witchcraft and paganism but being the good christen I was believed they were evil, till one day I walked into a shop that had a book I could not put down, I spent hours in that shop just exploring and reading this book till finally the store owner a lovely old wise woman came over to me. She saw what I was reading and I got embarrassed and put the book back.

She started talking to me about the book and why I was so intrigued by it, I felt safe with this woman and explained my issues to her, expecting her to laugh at me she didn't instead she offered me a cup of tea and a tale. During those hours, I spent with her listening to her explain the differences between witchcraft, paganism and Christianity I felt at peace and finally had a place I could go to seek the answers to the questions I had.

Once she explained to me that paganism or witchcraft were not evil and were nature based faiths that worked with duel deities and showed the similarities between Christianity and these faiths I was hooked. I brought several books and left the store at closing.

I returned many times to this bookstore learning as much as I came exploring everything this faith had to offer. I was not interested in the casting of spells, but more interested in the mythology of the gods, gaining a deeper understanding of the different faiths, that it is up the individual to decide how they want to practise.

I also started to explore crystal and herb magic and healing, I found I had a real aptitude for herbal magic/healing and would read anything thing I could get my hands on. I also found the strong need to explore the realm of spirit and psychic powers, again finding my calling I guess where I could read tarot cards without knowing their meanings and give reading to others with 99% accuracy or challenging, though even to this day I still question the information I have been given through challenging was it true or was it my own voices in my head.

About 4 years ago my therapist uncovered that I had Dissociative Identity Disorder, you might ask what that means, to many they would know it as multiple personality disorder. No, I am not crazy, well I hope not though now I can joke about it. But due to the long-term abuse I experiences as a child from both Phil and Renee I have several different personalities most a child some more traumatised than others, though there is an Irish Male he is fun and loves his Guinness.

When these personalities come out they do not always take over total control of me, my voice does change, there are changes in my personality and attitude. Some only appear at times of great distress or during therapy. When we first realised that this was happening especially the children personalities would come out all the time and I had no control over them.

There was even one time the scariest of them all where I thought I was possessed by the devil and he threatened to kill me. I try not to think about that night much it was one of the darkest moments and your father feared what would happen to me. But as always, he was wonderful and able to pull my main personality the one the world sees through enough for me to gain control again.

Many people do not know this about me, I am not ashamed by the personalities and have decided not the integrate them even though my therapist gave me that option, I know they are all parts of me and at times have different jobs to do. Edward has met them all along with my therapist and he knows what to expect from them and what my triggers are, I always know with your father around I am safe and loved.

 _ **Dearest Emma,**_

 _ **I hope I have not freaked you out learning these things about your mother, some might think you do not need to know these things, that maybe you are a child and should not know. But these letters are more for myself to say all the things I will never get to say to know in person. My next letter will cover Renee your grandmother and the arrival of you**_

 _ **Love is eternal**_

 _ **Bella Cullen**_


	14. Chapter 10 Emma's Birth

Author Note

Please know this chapter was extremely hard for me to write and will be hard for every one of you to read. For those that struggle with child loss this may cause triggers, I encourage you all not to keep it inside speak to others, seek help, know you are not in this alone

 _ **8**_ _ **th**_ _ **January**_

 _ **Dearest Emma,**_

 _ **The time has come to talk with you about our greatest joy and our worst devastation.**_

 _ **Though Renee died a few years ago and it hit me hard dealing with the loss of a mother even a shitty one at that. There is nothing that can take away the pain your father and I felt the day we were told we were losing you.**_

 _ **I will take a step back and tell you about our greatest joy.**_

After so many years trying to fall pregnant and nothing worked, not even fertility treatments. Both your father and I were happy and accepted that this was our life, your father's career was taking off in leaps and bounds and I was loving mine.

After years of instability, my mental health was finally on track and I was feeling the best I had ever felt. After Renee's death, it took me a year to accept that no matter what I did there was nothing I could have done to stop her from being who she was. I handled myself and my actions just as much as Renee handled hers.

It was just after my birthday and I was driving home from work thinking I really should see my doctor about getting birth control but I drove straight past her office not stopping, thinking "just maybe I will use that last pregnancy test, I Know the results will be negative"

I drove home not thinking anymore of it, went about my business, and did the test. To my utter surprise and shock the test came back positive. I could not believe what I was reading, I knew I had to get to the doctor's office before she closed, but first I had a call to make.

I called your father and told him I needed to go to the doctor, him not thinking anything of it asked why, my response" I am Pregnant" .

My doctor confirmed my pregnancy and I went home in shock. Your father by this time was already home, opened the door picked me up in a massive hug. We talked about our shock and joy with the news and could not wait to tell anyone (I knew we should have waited till 3 months of the 1st trimester was over but but we could not) so we both called our families and friends.

To say they were all shocked was an understatement. Your father and I started to make plans for your arrival. At this stage, I was only 6 weeks but we could not wait to go through this pregnancy and have you at the end of it.

The next night our joy and world came crashing down around us. I started to spot blood, I was devastated at the thought I was losing you. This could not be happening I finally get to be a mom and it is already being taken away from me.

Your father rushed me to the hospital, they could not explain the spotting but did tests and my hormone levels had doubled since they day before, which was a good sign. They referred me to a specialist and I was placed as a high-risk pregnancy.

Even with reassurance over the next 7 weeks that everything was fine, I continued to spot blood at least once a week.

The best time was the first time your father and I heard your heartbeat, we both cried with joy. I swear if we had thought about it we would have recorded it so that we could at least have that with us now. Second best day was the day the specialist told us you were growing normally and even with the bleeds that he could not explain you were going nowhere until you were ready to be born.

During my pregnancy with you, I developed gestational diabetes very early on. I think I was 8 weeks when they picked it up. So instead of being seen monthly, I was visiting the hospital twice a month. Since I was already high-risk pregnancy the diabetes the diabetes it put me at a higher risk.

Not only did I have spotting the pregnancy but I also had mild cramping and could not stand or sit for long. I was determined to continue to work full-time until the doctors told me I couldn't.

I did not have any weird cravings, but I could not get enough of the salt and vinegar chips, or spicy foods, especially chillies. There were others but I could not get enough of the chips and I would attack anyone that had them and would not share

So, for the next few months your father and I planned for your arrival by buying anything we thought was cute. I had always felt you were a girl, but it was not until it was confirmed at our 19-week ultrasound that you were.

Your father and I had some names picked out both for a boy and a girl. Once we knew you were a girl it was official your name was to be Emma Hope Cullen. I had always loved the name Hope and considering we had given up hope of ever having you, we were proven wrong.

It was the weekend and I was 19 weeks and 6 days when the worst that could happen happened. I was awoken just after midnight with cramping, I dozed on and off but noticed if was happening every 15-20 minutes. I was so scared I was losing you.

Little did I know there was nothing going to stop that from happening.

After a few hours, your father took me to the hospital. Again, they did some tests and even though it was not conclusive, they gave me a prescription for an UTI, and ultrasound scan should the pain continue. So, I went home and your father had an important meeting that morning that he could not get out of. Though my fears had increased I encouraged him to go to his meeting.

While he was gone I rested and called to schedule my ultrasound for that afternoon. Your father met me there and our worst nightmare started when the tech looked troubled but did not speak but she brought someone in to look at the pictures. Your father and I had no idea what was going on until the second tech told us that there was a problem with my cervix looked. It looked like it was opening, they needed a specialist to look at the ultrasound. I started to cry, your father was my strength as we cried together for fear we were losing our only child.

After about 10 minutes everyone came back in the room, told us we had to go back to the hospital and that I could not drive myself and they called an ambulance. While I waited I relieved myself.

At the hospital while waiting I needed to go again and could not hold it, not only did I lose my bladder, my water broke at the same time.

They rushed me to the delivery ward. We both knew there was nothing to stop our worst fear, we were losing you. I asked Edward to call Alice and Jasper as I knew they would understand what we were feeling and would need.

I was offered pain relief medication but refused to take it. Jasper and Edward took our car home while Alice stayed with me talking, helping me. She was my strength while Jasper was Edward's. Though they had their happy ending they fully knew what we needed now.

Alice and I talked for hours, about what I could expect, service that would help keep our memory of you alive, the little things that would be important in the days to come, through my pain I took it all in.

One of the few things I still remember Alice telling me was no matter what, spend as much time with you as we could, because that was all we would get.

Alice as your godmother asked one thing of us, it if she could come meet you the next day. We cried together and shared this precious painful time together. I did not know it at the time, but Alice and Jasper became two of the most important people in my life and I will always be eternally grateful for them.

It was getting late and Alice and Jasper needed to get home to their daughter, and your father and I needed to be alone. But before Alice left she gave me a choice of two little knitted blanket that had a lot of meaning for her, for us to wrap you in.

The one thing I said to Alice was that I wanted you stillborn because I knew that I would not survive hearing you cry knowing I was losing you.

You were born sleeping 7th January at 1.33am…

Our world had been destroyed and there was no turning back from it.

 _ **Dear Emma,**_

 _ **This was extremely hard to write and relive, but I want you to know all the important events our lives. I know you are always with us and watch over me as I write these letters to you. For the next few years life was hard for us but, it did get better**_

 _ **Love Eternally, Your Mom,**_

 _ **Bella Cullen**_

Author Note:

Thank you so much to Sherry Neal and Carole Long for your support and encouragement. To all my readers that have stayed so far, thank you. I know how hard it was to read this chapter, but things will get better soon. Please, if you are troubled by the content of this chapter seek help even if it's just a friend, talk to them


	15. Chapter 15

_The plot and storyline are mine. The characters and the rest belong to Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Saga; I just borrowed them._

 _ **8**_ _ **th**_ _ **January**_

 _ **Dearest Emma,**_

 _ **So much has changed for your father and me. We needed to find a way to heal and move on, even though we will always love you, we had to let go of you. As for the people around us, they were surprised at the major changes we made in our lives. However, it was necessary for the both of us.**_

It was about 6 months after your second, heavenly birthday; nothing was going right for us, except your father's music was taking off. He was in such high demand he was having to turn artists away.

I was suffering from major depression, and so was your father - to an extent. We knew we needed to make changes within our lives. My first step was getting the tattoo I'd always wanted of your adorable, little feet surrounded by a pair of angel wings with your date of birth at the bottom. I was having trouble finding the perfect tattoo artist to accomplish this. I searched everywhere, and even tried to track down a tattooist I'd used before, with no luck.

I had to quit my job because I could no longer function properly. I struggled to even get out of bed most days; let alone attend to simple things, such as my personal care needs. Your father worked from home most of the time just to make sure I was taken care of appropriately.

The one thing Edward and I did do well was talk. Although not so much about our feelings over what happened to you. That subject was still too hard and painful to discuss, but maybe that was our mistake. We did speak of the things we wanted to do for our future. For many months I'd been looking at places in the mountains close to where we'd scattered your ashes so we could move closer to you. Even though I always looked at it as a pipe dream, it'd be something we'd do if we ever got the extra money or won the lottery.

By this time Emmett and Rosalie had been living about an hour away in the mountains with their twins, Max and Emily, for a few years. The geographical distance caused a gap in the brother's relationship. Emmett was raising twins, and even though we loved our niece and nephew, it was extremely hard watching them grow up. It left an empty spot in our hearts seeing what we were missing out on and could've had with you.

One day Edward and I were talking and I suggested we get our condo appraised to see what it was worth. We had lived in it a long time. We had two agents come and give us an assessment. We were shocked at the appraisal and how much of a profit we could possibly make. Very quickly we decided to sell so we could afford the move to the mountains to be closer to you.

It didn't work out that way. We ended up about 10 minutes from Emmett, Rosalie, and the twins, but it was still easier to get to visit you. We decided to rent to see if we liked living in the mountains before buying. We didn't want the burden of owning another property if we wanted to move again.

We found a nice 3bedroom home with a good size backyard. The best thing was there were trees everywhere, which led to wild birds and animals coming into the yard.

Our condo was on the market only 10 days when it sold. The new owner wanted a quick closing, which was fine by us. Packing everything and preparing to move was a nightmare though.

We moved 2 weeks later, settling into our new home. Edward and I found that with the change of environment our emotions and depression changed too. I could do more for myself and started taking care of the home again. I had something to live for.

The best part was being close to Emmett, Rosalie, and the twins; we got to see them every weekend. Emmett and your father were able to became close brothers again. Rosalie and I had also gotten closer over the years, bonding over the need to protect the children.

Edward came home a couple of weeks after we moved into our new home to tell me he'd been offered to go on tour around Australia. He'd be the opening act for one of the solo artists he'd worked with on their new album. I could see this was something very important to your father, he was so excited. I had not seen his eyes sparkle like this since we found out I was pregnant with you. There was no way I could take this away from him.

We talked well into the night about the tour and what it would mean being separated for 2 months. How was I going to survive without my rock for that long? I no longer knew how to take care of myself. What would I do if I had another breakdown and no one was around?

I quickly realized my fears were also the same as Edward's when he suggested I go with him. I was confused about what was I was to do as he toured Australia. Be a groupie? He would either be in interviews all the time or on stage, where there'd be screaming fans, female fans. All my insecurities I'd had many years ago returned with a vengeance.

Edward could tell what I was thinking. He quickly explained he'd only be preforming 2 nights a week in each of the major cities they performed in, and any interviews he may need to do would be on the same days. He made it clear to his agent that if he was to do this, it would not be without me and a maximum of two months on the road. Also he was to given plenty of time off to take me exploring Australia's beautiful countryside.

Edward looked so afraid that I was going to say no, that I wouldn't go, but how could I? I couldn't let him turn down a chance of a lifetime simply because I was afraid, so I agreed to go on tour with him. Edward's face was filled with so much joy and he kissed me with so much passion that I hadn't felt in a long time.

This trip would be good for the both of us.

So, a month later we were off to Australia. I tried to research and learn as much as I could, but boy, I was in for a surprise. We arrived in Sydney, Australia - whereas when we left home it was summer - but stepping outside of the airport terminal only wearing shorts and a t-shirt at 8am, it was freezing. Edward just laughed at me, the bastard.

Our first stop was the hotel. We were staying at the same hotel as the solo artist, so that Edward could be close by if he was needed. We had the rest of the day to relax and do what we wanted. Then, Edward would spend the next two days working with the team for the tour.

After unpacking we went exploring; since we were staying so close to the harbour we started there. We explored the Opera House, the Harbour Bridge, and went on a ferry ride to a beach, called Manly. Oh, my God, the sand is so fine, clean and amazing to feel between your toes. You can actually take your shoes off to walk on it. The ocean was so clear and clean, and even though it was winter in Australia, there were still surfers in the water catching waves. I told Edward I wanted to try surfing. Since we were in another country, I wanted to experience as much as the local culture and customs as I possible could.

The next thing I know Edward walks away and I am left sitting, staring out at the ocean, just thinking how great it would be to have you here with us. I have always been drawn to the ocean and its inhabitants. After so much had happened I was able to finally quieten my mind enough to meditate, on this semi-crowded beach, while listening to the crashing of the waves.

I don't know how long I was meditating for. I really didn't know anything that was happening around me, which really was dangerous in a country I wasn't familiar with.

But while meditating, I had a vision of a little girl and boy playing on a swing set and the little boy was saying, "Push me higher Emma, please sis. Mom and dad aren't around, I promise you won't get in trouble."

I started to hyperventilate and cry, at the same time are I was starting to panic Edward returned. He noticed what was happening, and brought me out of my meditative state of mind.

Edward held me while I cried. I cried for the future we had lost and for the future the vision showed me that could be a possibility. I finally calmed and Edward wanted to know what I was so upset about. Could I honestly tell him that I had a vision of you with a younger brother? Would he believe me or think I would try anything to keep you alive with us?

Over the years Edward has learnt to trust my visions, especially those that come from my meditations; but this one was too hard for either of us to believe. We'd already lost you, and had been told it would take another miracle to fall pregnant again, and we weren't that lucky.

Edward waited and waited until I was finally ready to tell him what I'd seen; like me he was shocked and also unsure how it could even be a possibility. Was there a possibility we were going to be parents again sometime soon? Or was it just our hopes and dreams trying to convince us it would happen.

Finally, Edward told me where he'd went to. He spotted, while walking to the beach, a sign offering surfing lessons this afternoon. They were an hour long and by the end of it, I'd be able to stand up on the surfboard and ride a wave. Edward decided to surprise me with lessons. We'd have to wait and see if I could surf a wave by the end of the lesson, considering my luck and clumsiness.

No, I wasn't able to stand up on the surfboard on my own, but I did surf a wave with the instructor's help. That was until I caught a massive wave and wiped out, causing the board to hit me in the nose. Yet, the instructor was able to get us both back to the beach, where we both received medical attention. Me with a broken nose and the instructor with a black eye and mild concussion; like I said with my luck and clumsiness.

This little experience showed me one thing. I must keep moving forward and stop living in the past. Even so, I was not ready to let you go, not just yet.

About 2 weeks into the trip we found ourselves in Melbourne. Edward had a week off, so we decided to take a hiking tour for 3 nights. We were outdoors experiencing the beauty of nature, which caused me to feel as if I belonged somewhere. It was during that time I finally accepted that you were gone. I realized I needed to let go of all the pain from my past. We would never forget you, Emma. However, I was doing more harm than good by still holding onto the past, and wanting something I'd never have. That something was you. I knew you were with us in spirit - every step of the way - but it was time to cut the ties to what was holding me back from moving forward. It was time to start enjoying life again.

One of the first things I noticed happening while on this trip was how open I was being, how confident I was becoming. I would start conversations up with anyone. I wanted to learn as much as I could about the people and their cultures in the different cities we visited.

What also surprised me was just how much of my past I was letting go of. Not only was it you, Emma, and the negative feelings around that situation, but it was also what Renee and Phil had done to me. It was time to let go of all the traumatic, painful experiences I'd endured throughout my life. I needed to find the positives in everything I did from now on. I had to know I could stand on my own and survive, be happy alone if I needed to.

6 weeks into the tour we were now in the Northern Territory. It was much warmer here, and was also believed to be one of the most spiritual places in the world. I wanted nothing more than to experience everything it had to offer. One of the things I really wanted to do was to learn about the Aboriginal culture while we were in Australia.

I had been able to talk with many different people while touring with the performers, but I really wanted to visit an Aboriginal station or reserve. I got lucky while visiting Uluru, also known as Ayres Rock, as I was watching the sun set, just sitting peacefully, staring at the sky as it changed.

An older man sat down and started to tell me a tale of his people; how they came to be, the legends of Uluru, and why it is so important to the Aboriginal people. This man's story bewitched me as we sat there for hours, watching the sky change colors, and the lady of the night appear in the sky. We kept talking and it caused me to lose any concept of time. I was so lost in this man's allegories and the familiarities it created for me. I felt like I had heard these legends before, even though I'd never been to Australia, nor read anything on the topic. I knew, deep within my soul, I'd once visited these lands in a past life. As if the man could read my thoughts, he told me, yes, I'd been to Uluru before as a warrior, protecting my people from the invaders.

Suddenly, I realized my cell was ringing. I pulled it out of my pocket, and looked at it with shock. Why had I not heard it before now? Surely Edward was wondering where I was. I quickly realized it was 3am when a very worried Edward wanted to know where I was, and why I hadn't answered any of his other 11 phones calls or 30 texts. I was shocked by what his inquires. When I checked my cell, sure enough it showed all his missed messages and calls. I told Edward I was heading back to the hotel, and I was fine and would explain when I got back.

Why had I not heard it? Was there no reception? If not, then why did I have it now? Looking away from the phone I realized I was alone. The man that was telling me his stories had left me here by myself - with no light to guide me down the trail on the hillside. I started to get angry at being left alone in the dark.

I started to trek down Uluru with only the dim light from my cell and the glow from the full moon to light my way. I fell a few times. About halfway down a guard from the base of the rock met me. He said he was getting concerned since I had been up there so long, and at night it gets very cold up there. On hearing this, I started to shiver and feel the cold all the way to my bones. The guard gave me his jacket to wear and guided me down the rock. I enquired about my companion as to how long he'd been down. The guard looked at me confused and said I was the only one up there. He showed me the visitor's book - where I had signed - there were no other signatures after mine. My name was the last registered.

What really happened at the top? I really don't know and feel I probably will never know.

It was coming to the end of our trip, so we decided to extend it by a week and take a road trip around parts of the country we hadn't seen. By this time, I was starting to get tired; falling asleep if I was still for more than a few minutes. Even finding foods and drinks that were similar to back home still tasted different. I was always feeling sick and vomiting during the last week of our trip. Edward was getting so worried about me, even though I told him I was fine. He didn't believe me and wanted us to fly home right away so I could be checked out by our family doctor.

I had my suspicions of what was going on - all the signs were there; a missed cycle, although that was nothing uncommon, tender breast, being tired all the time, nausea, vomiting, and mood swings.

Two days before we were to fly out of Sydney to return home, I finally found a pharmacy and got a pregnancy test. It was one of those digital tests that tells you if you are and approximately how far along you are. I already knew the answer, but I had to be sure; all the while hiding the evidence from Edward until we got home because he would be insane - trying to keep me safe and from harm.

So, I waited for Edward to go for his daily run to take the test. The results were as I expected. Now, all I'll have to do is keep myself safe, protected, listen to my body's needs, and make sure to hide the evidence before Edward gets back.

 _ **Dearest Emma,**_

 _ **Can you guess what the result were? I am sure you can. My next letter I will discuss your father's reactions and how obsessed he became, but as frustrating as he was, I still loved him.**_

Love always,

Bella Cullen

A/N, Yes, I left it on a cliffhanger, but there are enough clues as to what will happen.

Again, a big thank you to Sherry and Carole, my betas and of course you guys, my readers.


	16. Chapter 16 read this before chapter 15

_**sorry chapters out of order, I just noticed I forgot to have this one edited and posted, all grammer and spelling errors are my own**_

 _A/N: From now on chapters will have a date but no year. I will be probably being jumping forward by years or more depending on the events in Bella's life._

 _The plot and storyline I own but the rest is Stephanie Myer's creations. I do not own or have rights to Twilight._

 _Also see my AN note at bottom for exciting news._

8th January

 ** _Dearest Emma,_**

 ** _Now you know what has happened to you, today I want to tell you about our darkest days. It's hard to write and for you to read, but the darkest needs to be faced to bring us light._**

 ** _I was only allowed to hold you for a few minutes as I was unable to deliver the afterbirth and needed to have it surgically removed. All I wanted to do was to hold you for as long as I could. Your father and I were in shock and devastated. Before they took me to operating theatre I had your father promise to stay with you and to make sure the tiny blanket Alice had given us you were wrapped In._**

I woke as I was being returned to my room, my first words "Where is my daughter? Then I spotted your

father in the room. I was getting agitated, Edward had promised me he would not leave you, he was

there but you were not, I wasn't very coherent and the nurses and Edward tried to calm me. No one

would tell me where you were, then everything went dark.

I woke sometime later in the morning, remembering where I was and why I was here. I began to sob

uncontrollably and your father rushed to my side. I could see the devastation on his face and knew it was all real. Your father just held me while I cried until there were no tears left. I asked for you and your father placed you in my arms, you were so tiny but so precious. I refused to put you down.

Charlie showed up sometime in the midmorning and we introduced him to his only grandchild. he held

you and cried but, said you were so beautiful and looked just like me. Charlie stayed for several hours,

and encouraged me to sleep some more. I curled myself around you I refusing to let you go, I have very

little time with you and wanted what I could get.

When I woke again, the nurse had come in and said there was a photographer at the hospital that

offered their services free to bereaved parents who wanted to have photos taken with their baby.

We agreed, if this was the only way to have as much physical type proof you were with us, we wanted to do it

Alice had called during that morning to see how we were, and asked if she could come to meet her goddaughter. Alice and Jasper arrived later that afternoon, they knew how we were feeling. Alice talked about ways to remember you, how to create physical memories and the importance of having some sort of memorial service. That she had already spoken with a funeral home that could help make all the arrangements for you.

All I felt was numb, lost. I just thanked her for thinking of the things I couldn't. The next t few days all I

did was cry or take strong painkillers so that I was so high I didn't know what was happening, your father

tried his best to help me, but he was hurting just as much as I was, yet her knew one of us had to keep going. We had to organize our final goodbye to you. Music was chosen (Amazing grace for everyone entering service, Small Bump by Ed Sheeran, Unforgettable by Nat King Cole as family leave the service) words were chosen, there were to be no flowers, but we wanted everyone to wear something pink if they could and anyone wanting to give a token was to donate their money to a charity of their choosing in your name.

It was two weeks later we had our final goodbye to you. it was a small gathering just family and a few friends. Emmett stood by your father holding him strong, as they brought your tiny coffin into the room. I had arranged before they closed your coffin for your father to have some time with you alone, he wanted to give you a few things of us to take with you. Emmett held your father as he finally broke down since his parents were not there for Edward. I will not go into too much detail about Esme and Carlisle's lack of support for their eldest son, instead they (she) acted like it was happening to them. I was so mad that Charlie and Alice had to take me away to that I'd calm down before your memorial service.

During your service, a poem I'd written for you was read, kind words were said exchanged and we gave our final goodbye.

 ** _Emma Hope Cullen_**

 _We had given up hope_

 _But you surprised us with two pink lines_

 _You were a fighter from the beginning_

 _Making sure you stayed with us_

 _We were filled with so much joy and happiness_

 _Each time we saw you and watched you on the screen_

 _You made us cry, we loved you so much from the beginning_

 _Then, for some reason yet to know why_

 _It was decided it was time for you to arrive_

 _Far too early_

 _You were born sleeping_

 _But you were so beautiful to your dad and mom_

 _You had the best of both of us in you_

 _Emma, know that you will always be with us_

 _You will never leave our hearts_

 _Your life will always be celebrated_

 _And we will always carry you with us_

 _Love mom and dad_

Now, we had to learn to live without you, we had no idea what to do. I really wanted to just end the

pain. I knew from Alice it was going to be the worst thing we will ever experience. Slowly, we found

online groups and gatherings where bereaved parents could talk and support each other. I did everything

I could think of to stop from feeling.

 ** _I didn't want to face the pain of not having you with us._**

We received the call your ashes were ready, so your father and I drove to a spot I knew of, lookout in the

mountains not far from our condo, about an hour from us. We had little tea candles lite, and balloons to

release. A breeze picked up as we scattered your ashes and released the balloons.

At home, we kept a small urn with some of your ashes so we'd always have you with us.

The first year was extremely hard, learning to let go of you and our dreams. I did everything I could to

Keep your memory alive. I wasn't coping very well with your loss. I withdraw from everything and everyone, including your father, I had not idea the impact of your loss was having on him.

The most painful events were our first Easter and Christmas without you and your due date. Each event we Spent alone, refusing to be with any other family members or friends, we refused to attend birthday parties.

Your first birthday was extremely hard on the both us. We cried, fought, and just wanted to give up but

We did not. Each birthday, Easter, Christmas we visit you, take you bestows we know you will never receive them.

Your second birthday hit me the hardest, I had wanted to have a party for your second birthday but as the day loomed closer, I could not even do it, we even had a birthday cake made for you.

I could not even visit you that day, I just wanted to end it all, I Not move from the lounger, not even to pee, it was like it was happening all over again. I remembered Everything, every word spoken, every look and fear that I had. I was trapped in the past and could not Move forward. We even had a beautiful cake made to share with family and those who you were Important to.

I could not face anyone. I just wanted to die.

 ** _Dearest Emma,_**

 ** _With your father's help and love we did move forward. Though this is painful to talk about and_**

 ** _Remember there are good times ahead, your father and I made major changes in our lives, but the_**

 ** _Story does get getter_**

 ** _Love always your Mom_**

 ** _Bella Cullen_**

 _A/N. Thank you as always for sticking around, the story is about to take a turn for the better, there_

 _Will still be some angst but things are looking up and brighter for Bella and Edward._

 _A special thank you to my Beta's Sherry Neal and Carole Long._


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Twilight Saga, that is Stephenie Meyer's, including the characters. What I do own is the plot.**

 _ **14**_ _ **th**_ _**February**_

 _ **Dearest Emma,**_

 _ **I am sorry I did not write to you on your birthday like I normally do, but I was in hospital. I have so much to tell you. I am now 8 months pregnant, and your Grandfather Charlie has stage 4 liver cancer. So life has been hard; let me fill in the gaps for you.**_

Okay, we arrived back to our little mountain hideaway home and your father began fussing over me. He was panicking as to what was wrong with me, and no reassurance could be given to him until I told him I was pregnant again. You should have seen his face. He went pale white and I was sure he was going to faint from shock. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, but was only a few short minutes, your father responded to my soft calling of his name. Eventually, Edward's facial features changed to one of excitement, joy, elation and panic.

Right away, he made me sit and started asking question after question. "Was I feeling alright? Did I need a hospital? Did I need something to drink, eat, or to sleep. He was making my head spin with the speed of his questioning.

Once I got Edward calmed down enough to listen to me; I reminded him that we needed to make an appointment with an obstetrician. Edward, being the panic maniac he is, grabbed his keys and ran to the door. I started laughing so hard I was crying. Here was your amazing father, my strength and rock during my dark days was rushing out the door to take me to my non-existent OB appointment. Yet he was also forgetting the most important thing, ME!

A few days later we saw my OBGYN, who confirmed, yes, I was 9 weeks pregnant. Since I had gestational diabetes with you, I was sent for testing. I was also advised to start regular monitoring of my sugar levels and change my diet. Seeing that I wasn't working, I was advised to be on bedrest as much as possible. This was because I needed a procedure, a cervical cerclage. This procedure would ensure the baby would stay in place, and reduce the chances of another miscarriage.

Your father, Edward, took this seriously and literally. He wanted to carry me everywhere. I wasn't allowed to lift more than a plate of food or drink. This was going to be a long pregnancy.

Everything was going so well with this pregnancy. There hadn't been any issues. We visited the OBGYN weekly because I was such a high-risk pregnancy. Your father would not accept anything less than the best for my care.

At our 20 week ultrasound we found out we were having a boy. After discussing it we chose the name Masen Charles Cullen. During this time, we were so stressed because it was at this point we lost you. The weeks leading up to this juncture were the hardest part of this new road we were travelling.

Just prior to my ultrasound we received the most devastating news; Charlie had stage 4 liver cancer. The oncologist said there was nothing that could be done to save his life. They could only prolong his life a short while, and Charlie being Charlie, refused this option. He said it was his time to leave me - now that I had your father and your brother on the way. He was leaving me in good hands.

I yelled at Charlie, telling him not to give up hope. I begged him to have the treatments, but nothing worked. He wanted to spend his remaining days living out his life the way he always had, simple!

I begged Charlie to sell his house in Forks and move in with us so he'd be closer. I wanted to be able to see him everyday, but he refused, pointing out that he was the parent, and wanted to spend what time he had left doing what he loved the most, FISHING. Go figure!

So, here I was about to enjoy motherhood in just a few short weeks, and at the same time faced with the fact I was going to lose Charlie soon. I'm not sure how I will survive without your grandfather. It will be like losing you all over again, but I must remain strong for your brother and for Charlie.

Since Charlie's condition started deteriorating when I was about 7 months along, I was able to convince him to move to a hospital closer to me. It was also the same hospital I was to give birth at. I have been visiting Charlie every day at the hospital; knowing our time together is limited, but every second is precious for us.

Every day I would put on my brave, happy face and waddle down the oncology ward to Charlie's private room, which I think was your father's doing. There was a massive flat screen with all the sport channels and a comfy recliner. I greet the nursing staff, all of whom I knew on a first name basis. They all say Charlie was a charmer, even with his illness he would flirt with them. This shocked me because Charlie was so much like me, shy and reserved. He wasn't like the man they were talking about. I guess Charlie just wanted to bring some joy into his life.

Today, like every other, I dropped in to visit with Charlie and was surprised to see Sue Clearwater visiting him. Sue is the widow of Charlie's best friend, Harry. I did not know that Charlie had been seeing anyone, much less Sue.

Sue explained Charlie had helped her in her time of need, when she lost Harry, and they'd grown extremely close. Charlie, being Charlie, did not realize until it was almost too late that he'd fallen in love with Sue. She felt the same toward him.

I was both over the moon and devastated for them at the same time. They had both found love again, and the universe was going to tear them apart. Sue saw my expression and took me out in the hallway to talk privately. She explained she and Charlie would like nothing more than to marry. They wanted to be husband and wife before his time was up.

Charlie wanted to give both, Sue and myself something positive to remember him by, not the fragile man he had become. Sue agreed to marry Charlie on the condition that I agreed. I could not refuse Charlie's last wish. I also told Sue I would expect nothing less than her staying with us while she was here for Charlie's last few moments, or for however long that may be.

I walked back into Charlie's room to find him watching his beloved baseball team playing. When he heard the door, he looked up and I smiled, that was all he needed.

Sue and Charlie married a few days later at his hospital bedside. Only Sue's two children, Edward and myself, as witnesses, were in attendance. Edward ordered Charlie's favorite meal be delivered to his room for all of us.

Edward was mostly worked from home, but on occasion he had to travel into the studios. He'd have to assist artists, or tweak some of his music, and today was one of those days. He had left early this morning, and I had not told him I'd been having pains the last few days because they appeared to be nothing too serious. I was trying to convince myself it was nothing, except today there was more of a pattern to it.

Edward was in California, Sue was visiting Charlie, and I was alone - resting. I was trying to take my mind off the pain I was having and not panic when I felt the contractions. At one point, I thought I had peed myself.

 _ **Dearest Emma,**_

 _ **I must go now. I am sure you can guess why. I am not sure when I will write again. There is so much going on, and you will be 3 soon. I promise to take your brother to visit you. I love you for eternity.**_

 _ **Love always,**_

 _ **Mom**_

 **AN: From this letter on there will be time jumps, I will try to make them clear by mentioning Emma or Mason's age and events around them. I hope there to only be maybe 8 more chapters.**

 **Thank you to my 2 Betas Carole and Sherry without you there would be no letter**


	18. Chapter 14 Masen at 2 years

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer with the exception of Emma, storyline belongs to me. No copyright infringement intended. Tissues needed, major death.**

 **8th September**

 _ **Dearest Emma,**_

 _ **Wow! You would be starting school today. I can't believe you would be five years old. I'm sorry I haven't written in a couple of years, but with the loss of Charlie and Masen's birth… You weren't forgotten, I just didn't know what to write. Each letter gets harder to compose the older you get, and the more I miss the life of what it could've been. Sometimes it's easier to pretend that all this was a bad dream, but my heart knows you are real. You're my firstborn child.**_

So, here I was clearly in labor and no one was at home to take me to the hospital. I tried to call Edward because I knew it would take him some time to get home. The call went straight to his voicemail. I ended leaving a message, informing him I was on my way to the hospital because I was in labor. The next call went to 911, requesting an ambulance because I couldn't drive myself to the hospital. The last call was to Sue. I let her know I was in active labor and I was on my way in. She agreed to meet me at Labor & Delivery since she was still visiting my father.

The paramedics arrived shortly after and proceeded to evaluate me before helping me onto the stretcher. I was loaded into the ambulance and subsequently transported to the hospital.

On arrival, I begged them to delay Masen's delivery as long as possible so that your father could arrive in time. I still was unable to get a hold of him. I was put on bed rest with machines hooked up to monitor both Masen and myself. I briefly spoke to Charlie on the phone since Sue said he was unable to come down to L&D. I knew something had to be wrong by that information because I knew there was no way Charlie would miss the birth of his grandson. Death would have to be knocking on his door for that to happen.

Then it hit me, Charlie was dying. I was losing him. He was giving up. I was falling apart. Edward still wasn't here. Charlie wasn't here, and Sue was torn over who needed her to be with them the most. Finally, Sue convinced Charlie to speak with me on the phone. I could tell there wasn't much time left for us. His voice sounded hoarse and weak. He told me to hang onto what I have and to cherish each and every moment. He also told me he'd be waiting for me - in the very distant future - with Emma when it was my time to crossover. However he said that time wouldn't come until his grandson would have children of his own.

I cried and cried and cried some more. I couldn't talk and the stress was causing issues with Masen. The doctors did another exam and told if I wanted Masen to survive I had to deliver him within the next hour. They could not safely wait any longer.

I kept trying to contact your father, to no avail. Sue stayed beside me the entire time as I was moved into the delivery suite. I heard angels sing at your father's arrival. At one stage, Sue was called from the room and did not return. Your brother was born and perfectly healthy. He measured in at 21 inches long and weighing in at a hefty 8 pounds 4 ounces. He was born adorning chocolate colored hair with bronze highlights.

Sue came to visit a few hours later. She informed me that she'd been called from the L&D because Charlie had deteriorated and she left to be with him. The doctors advised her it was time for everyone to say their last goodbyes and she'd come to notify me of this latest development. She'd come to escort me to his room, all his friends had already been there and said their goodbyes.

Sue walked along beside me as Edward pushed me in a wheelchair while I was holding Masen in my arms to Charlie's room. As we entered his room I noticed the man that had always been there for me was no more. He was barely conscious. I was told that the pain medication he was on made it hard for him to know what was happening around him.

Charlie looked at me, then looked at Masen and asked if that was his grandson. I placed Masen on the bed next to him. Charlie put one hand around Masen and the other pointed to the ceiling. He told Masen that his granddaughter, Masen's big sister, would always be there to take care of him, but that it was now time for "grandpa" to go with Emma. At this, Charlie closed his eyes and never opened them again. I took Masen from Charlie's arms and handed him to Edward. I said my final goodbye to the best dad a girl could have had, and I thanked you, Emma, for coming to get your grandfather.

Charlie's funeral was a simple affair, but the scattering of his ashes was a different story. Everyone in Forks and La Push wanted to be there to pay their respects to their friend. So with the tribe's permission we released Charlie's ashes on First Beach, his favorite beach.

The first few months were hard with having a new baby and dealing with the loss of Charlie. Edward and Sue stayed home most days to help me. I began to notice Masen always appeared to be looking at something, even if there was nothing around to garner his attention. He always seemed to be able to entertain himself, although he wasn't really interested in his toys. Whenhen he did play with his toys, they appeared to move on their own.

After about 6 months Sue decided to move back to La Push. She wanted to be with her family and closer to Charlie's final resting place. He would always be by her side, I knew that, just as I knew you were always with me.

Edward started traveling again for work. He was nominated for a Grammy Award. Sue readily agreed to watch Masen so that your father and I could attend the ceremony.

Masen was growing up so fast, and he was starting to talk and crawl around by his first birthday. It was around that time he said his first word "Em". Of course, Uncle Emmett thought it was about him, although I knew he was meaning you. I could always feel your presence when you were around after your brother's birth. I noticed a pattern form when I felt your spirit; your brother would appear to be doing or playing with someone else that wasn't physically there. It was you, wasn't it Emma?

You would now be at the age that you'd be getting ready for school. If you would've been like me, you'd have had your "first day outfit" all picked out and ready to go the next morning. I wonder, do you have school where you are? Do you grow and mature as you would if you were still here? I like to think so, at least that's what I hope for.

Masen is now over the age two and he can nearly outrun your father. He talks all the time, especially about what he does with you and Grandpa Charlie. He tells me he has dreams where grandpa takes him fishing, something I know Charlie would've done with the both of you.

Masen tells me that you read stories to him all the time. He also says there's a lady there with you and grandpa, but he doesn't know who she is. He says she doesn't really talk to him, and that he prefers to spend his time with you playing with his trucks in the sandbox.

For me, I've struggled. There's been so much loss in my life, so much pain and suffering, but I' am working through it. I need to get better for Masen and your father. Writing these letters has helped me in so many ways. I don't think even I realise it at the time, but when I write each letter I don't know what it means. Other than it allows me to share what's happened in my life at the time.

The struggles I go through with having mental illnesses, while dealing with the loss of a child, father, mother… the list goes on and on. I don't have anyone around that I can call my own family, except for your father and brother. I've suffered so much lose in my life, but I've never let it beat me down too much. Yes, there were times that it was extremely hard to keep going, to not run away from your father and brother, to not find a way to end it all and give up on life. I kept going, fighting to get better. I want to be a good mother to your brother and to be a good wife to your dad. But it's really is hard work, but then life is hard. Nothing worth fighting for is easy.

 _ **My Dearest Daughter,**_

 _ **I will leave you now. I do not know when I'll write again. Masen and your father keep me so busy. I hope your first day of school went well, wherever you are.**_

 _ **Love always,**_

 _ **Your Mom,**_

 _ **Bella Cullen**_

 **A/N Thank you to my betas: Sherry Neal and Carole Long. Also I would love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, what you would like to see what happens in future letters**


	19. Chapter 19

**_Disclaimer: Stephanie Myers owns the Characters but I own the plot_**

 ** _Dearest Emma_** ** _,_**

 ** _You would be twenty-three now_** and would be ** _getting ready to finish college. I wonder what you would have studied_** ** _;_** ** _would you have followed in your father's footsteps_** ** _?_**

Masen has grown to be a very handsome man just like your father and has decided he wants to be an author like me. Yes, I finally decided to follow my dream and become a published author. I try to stay close to home when I can but there is some travel. Your father stays with Masen when I have to tour the country for my book promotions and signings.

My first book was a hit.It was about our trip to Australia and the differences I found in exploring a different country and my spiritual journey on Ayres Rock. I have also written several books on the Wiccan religion. After Masen's birth, I returned to being a practising Wiccan. Most of my books explore the differences in the craft from around the world.

I discovered through my research many countries have different practices and there is not enough written about them, especially in the Southern Hemisphere. For example, in Australia, two roles are reversed for the sun and moon. In the Aboriginal culture, the moon is the God and the sun is the Goddess. I know it seems strange, but it is their belief among many others. It was an amazing experience learning about the different variations of the craft. While I was doing my research I was able to travel to many different countries and it experience for myself. Although we only travelled when Masen was on summer break so the family would stay together.

Masen has his first girlfriend, did you know? Her name is Meghan and - like Masen - has embraced Wicca. She's also a very gifted empath and often able to read people from just observing a photo of them. That's something I was never able to do fully. As for Masen, he can still see you. He often tells me that you are in the room with us talking to him. Masen says you were the one who encouraged me to follow my dreams, so thank you.

A few years ago your father had a heart attack. I have never been more scared in my life, especially when he called out your name. I knew you were with him; probably telling him that I could not live without him and that he needed to fight to live on.

Since his heart attack, we have had to make a few changes in our life. Such as, your father had to cut back on eating so much take-out, especially when he was travelling. He also had to cut back on his travelling and workload. He was not happy.

As for me, my health has not been the best, forcing me to make some changes also: change of diet and exercise on a more regular basis, just like your father. We are not young anymore and if we want to live to see our grandchildren - should Masen have any - then we need to take care of our bodies.

Your father continues to win awards for his music, and I know you are as proud of him as I am.

 ** _I know_** ** _this_** ** _is a short letter, Emma_** ** _. M_** ** _y arthritis in my hands is so bad sometimes I can't write_** ** _,_** ** _but there isn't much to say_** ** _at this point_** ** _except I love you always_** ** _. I_** ** _know my time is coming_** ** _to an end and_** ** _I_** ** _will be_** ** _reunited with you and Charlie_** ** _._**

 ** _Love always_** ** _,_**

 ** _M_** ** _o_** ** _m_**

 ** _Bella Cullen_**

 ** _A/N I would like to thank Sherry Neal and Carole Long for all their help in writting this book. we are almost at the end_**


	20. Chapter 20

**_Disclaimer: Stephanie Myers owns the the Charatchers but i own the plot_**

 ** _Last chapter written by Bella_**

 ** _Dearest Emma_** ** _,_**

 ** _I know this will be my last letter to you_** ** _._** ** _I_** ** _know_** ** _this since your father has passed_** ** _away and_** ** _he is with you._**

So Masen is in his thirties now, and you guessed it, he married Meaghan. They have a beautiful daughter he named Emma Faith Cullen; isn't it just beautiful. I know you would be proud of him.

Meaghan turned out to be a wonderful new addition to the family. Your father and I spoil Emma rotten. Masen became an award-winning fictional author; we couldn't be prouder of him. Meaghan became a doctor, specializing in infertily. She and Masen wanted more children but were unable to have any more, leading her to become the best reproductive endocrinologist she can be.

Your father's health deteriorated as he got older, causing him to retire at the age of seventy. However, he didn't mind too much because he got to spend more time with his family. The problem was his heart couldn't take anymore; he had a massive heart attack a week ago. The doctors were able to stabilize him and keep him comfortable, but we knew his time was limited and we had to say our final farewells.

Two days ago we were called to the hospital. They said your father did not have long to live. I was already with Masen and Meghan since I was living with them due to my health issues so we were able to leave for the hospital quickly. As we walked into the hospital, it was Meaghan who first commented on the change in the atmosphere. She said she felt death was near. We all knew there was nothing more anyone could do, he was leaving us to come be with you.

We walked into his room and noticed there was a nurse stationed at the end of his bed. All the furniture had been removed, except the monitors keeping your father alive. I collapsed against Masen as he walked us to your father's bed. I kissed your dad and told him that it was ok, he could be with you now.

Masen and Meaghan said their goodbyes as well. We watched, and all felt the change in the room as you appeared beside your father's bed. At that moment we knew it was time; you had come to take your father away with you so he could have eternal peace. You spoke to me for the first time and told me you would be back for me.

The sounds of the machine went crazy as we all saw your father's spirit move from his body to hold your hand and hug you. It was such a sad moment but also a joy to see you finally be able to be with your dad.

We left the hospital about an hour later after watching you take your father to the heavens. Arriving home, I gathered all the letters I had written to you over the years and read them, knowing you were with me each time I wrote them. I know you were always with us, no matter what we did. Both your father and I knew you loved us.

Like I said this will be my final letter to you, Emma. I can not live in a world where Edward isn't. We always knew I would not survive his death. My body is giving out, but my soul knows it is time to return to the spirit world and be with you, Edward, and Charlie.

Love Mom


	21. Chapter 21

_**Disclaimers: Stephaine Myers owns the Characters but**_ i _ **own the plot**_

 _ **this is the final chapter**_

Dearest Emma,

Hi, it is Masen, your little brother. I am writing to you so you know I have the letters mom wrote to you. I know she and dad are with you now like they always wanted to be. They never once made me feel unloved or second best; I could always feel you near me, even in my sleep.

Take care of mom and dad; I knew she would not be able to go living without dad. It was just the way they were, so much in love. That love extended to you and me. I know mom told you about my Emma. There is no other name I would call my child; you were my best friend in the world. I could, and did, tell you everything; you were the first person I told about wanting to marry Meaghan.

Tell mom not to worry about us. I know she will, but we are fine. Meaghan my soul mate and the love of my life. Thank you for everything, big sister. I know when it is my time you will be at the front of the line waiting for me.

Once mom and dad's funerals are over and the cremations complete we will scatter their ashes where we scattered some of yours. I've decided to perform a Wiccan ceremony with the remainder of your ashes mom had in the small urn she kept. I will burn the letters and release them as well.

Take care of our parents and tell them we will meet again when the time is right.

Your little brother,

Masen Cullen

 _ **A/N thank you, everyone, that stuck with me through this journey, a special thank you to Sherry Neal and Carole Long who helped make this story great. this was a hard story to write but also the events are true, there was a baby named Emma and these letters are what I would have said to her if she had survived as she got older. Should you want to read the original fiction version of this story which is packed with more please go to my profile and follow the links to Amazon**_


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